


a change of pace

by mxsicalpup



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Christmas, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Smut, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Masturbation, Mention of Death, Mention of abuse, Religion, Slow Burn, Smoking, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-05-27 09:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 43,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15021338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxsicalpup/pseuds/mxsicalpup
Summary: John Laurens needs someone to come with him to a family Christmas to save his ass. That person ends up being Aaron Burr. From the warm South Carolina weather to the heavy air in the house there, Aaron has to figure out if he can handle the heat of the Laurens family while pretending to be John’s partner.





	1. Chapter 1

“Burr.” The familiar voice filtered through Aaron’s phone on a sunny Sunday morning. It was worried, almost scared sounding, a striking opposite to the nice day that it was outside. Aaron sighed softly against his phone, closing his eyes for a moment as he wedged the device between his shoulder and his ear to keep his hands occupied with cooking eggs for himself. “What, John?”

John Laurens was elusive in Burr’s life. The man was always far too loud, far too exciting and noisy. He held qualities that gave Burr a headache. The man was deemed a mysterious entity at times. John’s interests and needs were ever-changing, his personality making him wild and reckless. Aaron read him like an open book. John Laurens was a twentysomething who was afraid of any sort of commitment and was chasing a high he could never obtain. He was the literal opposite of Burr, who had a stable job and was settled into a small house. John was always in and out, mostly caught in places with friends, almost never alone. So having the elusive John Laurens call him at eight AM on a Sunday caught him off guard.

John sighed back into the phone at Burr. “I need to call in a favor. It’s really, really big and really, really important. I’ll owe you big time.” He even sounded like he was chewing his nails as he spoke, or maybe the end of a pencil or a paintbrush.

Aaron rose his brow a little as he turned the stove off to start pushing the eggs onto his plate. “Can you tell me what this favor is so that I can tell you whether I accept it or not?”

“Do you have vacation days saved?”

“Uhh... yes, I believe so? What does this have to do with your favor?”

“Can you take a week off for Christmas?”

“John, why do you of all people want me to take off of work the week of Christmas?”

“I got invited to go home for Christmas, for some fucking reason I don’t know. It’s gonna be a family event and I can’t go there alone.” He sounded scared now, and Aaron could almost hear him pacing.

Oh. John was asking him to go meet family. What the fuck?

“Why can’t you go alone? Actually, hold on. Why can’t you get Alexander to go with you?”

“He’s too busy with Eliza and Philip to escort me to my country home. Trust me, I asked everyone already. Lafayette is going on vacation with Hercules to France that week, and Thomas Jefferson is going to spend Christmas proposing to Angelica. Don’t tell him I told you, that’s all a hush-hush event.” He mumbled slightly. “Look, if you can’t come either, then I’ll go by myself, as much as I really don’t want to. My family is... Crazy.”

“What do you mean by crazy? Why don’t you want to go home to spend time with family?”

“My family is crazy! They’re just crazy. All my siblings and my father, cooped up in one house for a whole week, it’ll be like a chicken coop. I can’t go there alone, man. It’s gonna be a shitshow from start to finish. I need someone to come with me. Plus, I kinda told Henry that I’d be bringing someone for him to meet.”

“What are you talking about? None of this makes sense, John. Stop pacing, gather your thoughts, and then talk.”

“Mmh.” Some shifting could be ears before John was finally talking again. “Henry, my father, called me to invite me to family Christmas. He asked me about how things were up here in New York, and I told him I met someone. So I need you to come with me to South Carolina for Christmas with my family and pretend to be my partner.”

Oh. That’s why he was worried.

“You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend for a week while we meet your family?”

“Yes. I need you to come because if I go alone, I’m gonna get chewed out by Henry and my siblings. Please. Think about it. It’s in two months.”

“Two months. Uhh... What are the exact dates?”

“December 20th to the 26th. Saturday to Saturday. You don’t have to pay a cent. Everything is covered.”

“I’ll let you know, alright?”

“Sure.” Hope was evident in John’s voice by then. “Thank you, seriously. Thanks.”

“Sure. I gotta go.”

“Alright. Seeya.” John hung up first, and Aaron looked at his phone screen for a moment to check his calendar. Nothing of importance was going on during that week, but it was also still the beginning of October. The weather was chilling slightly as fall started its slow descent into winter.

Aaron sighed and put his phone face down on the table, pushing his breakfast around with his fork in thought. John Laurens needed him to pretend to be his partner for a week to get through a family Christmas. Honestly, spending a Christmas in South Carolina didn’t sound half bad, despite the reason. It would be significantly warmer there. No snow to deal with, no heavy coats. Just... an apparently crazy family, an esteemed politician, and the politician’s son, who seemed to be having an anxiety attack from the mere thought of a family Christmas.

Aaron didn’t know John too well. He knew of him in college, through Alexander, and met him a few times in bars (most of these times never ended well), but that was it. So going from somewhat close-acquaintances to pretending to be lovers would be one huge jump. He sighed softly, shoveling a forkful of eggs into his mouth. Would he actually be able to pull off pretending to be this reckless man’s partner? He didn’t know for himself, not quite yet.

Then he suddenly remembered that John was supposed to be a struggling artists. How come he offered to not let Aaron pay? He was immediately on the phone again.

John picked up after the first ring. “Are you coming?” The hope rebounded in his voice, the soft smile readable in his tone.

Aaron blinked once before shaking the image of a soft-smiling John out of his head, trying to remember the man who broke another guy’s nose in a bar. “How can you pay for both of us to go on this trip? I’m sure there’s gonna be dinners and lunches, not to mention we need a mode of transportation to get down there-“

“My father is a congressman, Aaron. I’m basically a trust fund child.” The hope and smile were gone as he continued. “I don’t like using the money in my trust fund, but for this occasion I’m gonna use it. Also, we’re driving down to South Carolina. It’s the cheapest route, and we can stop at a Waffle House when it just opens. I’ve got it planned. We leave two AM Saturday morning and get to my father’s place late Saturday afternoon. Saturday morning breakfast is a stop at Waffle House, lunch is wherever you want to stop on the road.”

Aaron was quiet for a moment. “You really thought this through.”

“I mean- Yeah. I did.”

“Where will we be staying?”

“I don’t know if my father is gonna let us stay in the house. If he does, we stay there. If not, I already have a hotel room set up. It’s got two beds, because I figured that you wouldn’t want to sleep in the same bed as me if we didn’t have to.”

“I want to at least pay for something.”

“You can pay for lunch on the trip, and gas money. But that’s it.”

“Are you sure about all this?”

“I’m as ready for this stupid fucking trip as I’ll ever be. I just need to know if I’m facing my family alone or with someone.”

Aaron tapped his fork on his plate, looking out one of the windows in his kitchen. What would he even be doing on Christmas this year? Probably the same thing as every year: go to the company Christmas party, catch a cold, complain about the weather.

Maybe a change of pace was good. It would get him out of his monotonous slump that he felt he was in. And this trip could also prove that John Laurens couldn’t just disappear at the drop of a hat, like he always seemed to do.

“Alright, fine. I’ll come with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’ll come.”

“Oh thank God. Thank you, shit, thank you so much man. I owe you big time. Thank you.” He sounded relieved, sounded like he just flopped back into his bed in happiness, sounded like he was smiling so wide up at his ceiling.

Aaron hummed a little, gave a slight smile back. “Yeah, shut up. I need a vacation anyway. I’ll call my boss and ask for the week off.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Sure, man. But you owe me one.”

“Definitely. Thank you.”

“You can stop thanking me.”

“Alright, alright, fine. But hey, we should meet up before the trip, maybe have dinner? To go over what we’re okay with. Because, remember, you’re supposed to be my fake partner any time we’re in the presence of my family and my father.”

Aaron pretended not to notice the way he separated his family from his dad. “Yeah, I got it. When do you wanna have dinner?”

“Uhh... I can do next Friday. There’s this diner I’ve been meaning to try. It can be a practice date, or something like that. We can have a few of them to get accustomed to.. Whatever we need to get accustomed to, yknow?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“I’ll pick you up at eight, next Friday. Thanks again, man. I’ll see you.” And then the line went dead.

Aaron put his phone down and looked at the junction where the wall and the ceiling met. This... This could either go really well, or be a shitshow from start to finish.

Aaron was ready to take that chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr got deleted, but the new one is the same user, @mxsicalpup. please leave kudos and a comment to keep my inspiration up, and feel free to send writing requests to my tumblr!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Aaron have their first “date.” It’s the calm before the eventual storm.

Aaron let out a slightly nervous breath as he tried to pick out a shirt to wear to this diner. John had said that it would just be a casual fake date, and that it was ‘no biggie.’ For someone who doesn’t go on fake dates too often, this definitely seemed like a biggie.

He sighed in exasperation, looking at himself in the mirror. He finally decided on work casual- a dark gray button-up and black denim pants with his normal black sneakers. It didn’t look terrible. He glanced at his phone, checking the time. 7:55. John would be there soon.

He slipped out of his bedroom and easily into the living room, since his house was only one floor. He checked his pocket for his wallet, knowing he would insist on paying for dinner. Soon enough his leg was bouncing up and down with nerves and anxiety as he glanced at the time again. 7:57.

The doorbell rang.

He practically jumped out of his skin before sighing and standing, stretching his limbs out and moving to open the door. And there stood John, hands in his jeans pockets, hair tied back in a low ponytail. “Hey.” He offered a half smile and tilted his head slightly. He was dressed in an open windbreaker, a flannel and jeans, and to complete the shitty cowboy look, a pair of Timberlands.

Aaron had to hold back a snort. “Hey there, cowboy.”

“Fuck, I knew you were gonna say that. You’re the worst.” He didn’t even sound offended, he just smiled wider at him with a roll of his eyes.

“Now, I don’t think that’s a nice way to speak to your romantic partner, huh?”

“Ugh. Right.” He chuckled slightly and tilted his head again. “Are you gonna come out here without a jacket? It’s getting cold.”

“Oh, shit. Right.” Aaron chuckled nervously and stepped back inside to grab a light jacket, tugging it on. John offered a hand to him, and Aaron looked at it for a moment. He knew what John was doing; he knew that John was just trying to get them both used to this whole thing. And he guessed he could go with the flow on this one. He took John’s hand in his own and walked next to him to John’s truck.

Everything about the guy screamed country. From the flannel to the Ford F-150 to the country radio station playing. John’s hand felt rough and calloused in his. It was the opposite of his own, which was just soft.

John opened the door for him and helped him up into the cab of the truck, despite them being the same height and Aaron being completely able to get in by himself. John closed the door and moved around the front to slip inside. He flipped the radio station easily to some R&B channel and peeled off onto the road.

It was quiet for a few moments. Aaron looked out the passenger window before looking over at John. John actually looked laid back, one hand on the wheel and the other fiddling with the zipper on his windbreaker. The normally loud and slightly obnoxious man was chilled out for once. Aaron tilted his head. “Did you smoke something to chill out?”

John blinked before laughing and glancing at him. “What?”

“Normally you’re loud and talkative and whatever. Now you’re silent. Did you smoke something?”

“No, I didn’t. Nice guess though.” He shrugged. “You only know me when I’m around Alex, right?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“We’re both grossly annoying when we’re drunk. Sorry about that. But I’m more chill, I promise.” He smiled over at him, and Aaron nodded. He thought for a moment before looking back out the window. “Is this the car we’re gonna be taking down there?”

“Yeah. Her name’s Ol’ Reliable.” He nodded, tapping his fingers on his thigh to the beat of the song over the radio. “I’ve had this truck since I got out of college.”

“Huh. Didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. There’s a lot of shit you don’t know about me.” He grinned and reached to poke Aaron’s side, making him gasp a little and swat at his hand. “Hey!”

“Hey yourself.” John laughed a little before looking back to the road. “You look good. I’m digging the work casual look.”

“Thanks. You don’t look too bad yourself. You look like you belong in a two page spread in Country Living magazine.”

“Just because I happen to be from South Carolina and I happen to be wearing a flannel tonight does not mean that I’m inherently country.”

“Didn’t you grow up on a farm?”

John was quietly pouting for a moment. Aaron looked at him before laughing. “You did!”

“Shut up!”

“Is that where we’re gonna be staying?”

“Hopefully. It’s Henry’s rice farm. It’s how he got some of his riches before he turned to politics.” He rolled his eyes slightly, shifting in his seat as they pulled into nighttime NYC traffic. “We’re almost there. Once we get past the rush.”

“Sure. Uhh.. If you don’t mind me asking, why do you call your dad by his first name?” He looked at him inquisitively, tilting his head. John didn’t react at first, until he let out a breath. “I dunno. I just do. It became more of a habit once I moved out.” He shrugged the question off and took a turn onto a slightly busier intersection, starting to look around for a parking space. Aaron figured it was a better idea to leave the subject of his father alone.

They managed to find a parking spot and get into the busy diner. He was actually surprised when John stepped forward and gave his last name to the waitress, who immediately found their reservation and started leading them into the dining hall. “I didn’t know you had to reserve a seat,” Aaron mumbled as he walked next to him. John just smiled and shrugged. “I knew it would be busy on a Friday night, so I thought it would be good to call ahead.”

They were seated near a window that showed them the busy street, the city lights flashing as the night started to pick up. Aaron didn’t much care for the lights, but John seemed to like them from the way he was smiling out the window. He hummed softly and looked to the menu as John finally looked back at him. “I’m sure you have questions.”

“Huh?”

“Questions about, well, everything, yknow?” He chuckled slightly, a hint of nervousness seeping through. “We have to pretend to be together, and you’re gonna meet my family. What questions do you have?”

“Uhh...” He put the menu down to bite his thumbnail in thought. “Well, I guess... What’s you’re family like? You mentioned siblings?”

“Yeah. I’ve got two sisters and a brother. Henry Jr., Martha and Mary. I’m the oldest sibling. Martha is second oldest, she moved up to Virginia to go to college and is working on being a doctor. Mary is also still in college and going for... I think, uh... I think she said something about being a veterinarian, last time I talked to her. My brother Henry Jr. is the youngest, he’s 18 and just started college, he still lives at home but he’s pursuing law and politics and whatever. They’re all growing to be really successful.” He shrugged a little. Aaron took note of how he seemed to dull a little. John continued, “Martha and I were always close, even with our five year difference. She and I managed to keep in touch after I moved out. She’s the sweetest person you’ll ever meet. She’s calm, cool and collected. Mary is like me, personality-wise at least. She’s a little bit all over the place and has absolutely no fears whatsoever. Henry Jr. ... He takes after my father in a lot of ways. He was the namesake, so he plans to be just like his father. So, uh, I’m sorry in advance if he’s a douchebag to you.”

“Hey, it’s fine. Every family has one, right?”

“Yeah, except mine has two. The apple didn’t fall too far from the tree in that case.” He gave a slight dry laugh, and Aaron looked at him quizzically before the waitress came over again to get their drink and food orders, which Aaron had to give in a little bit of a rush, because they’d been talking the whole time and he didn’t really get a chance to look at the menu. They ordered and looked back at one another for a moment before Aaron hummed. “So, uh-“

“What’s the boundaries for this fake relationship?” John somehow predicted what he was gonna say, tilting his head. “Like, are we kissing, are we sharing a bed? I don’t mind sleeping on the floor if we get the chance to stay in Henry’s place.”

“Well, since you were so adamant on taking me on a fake date, I figured we could do the whole nine yards.”

“Huh?”

“Well, a basic relationship. How long did you tell your dad we were together for?”

“Just six months.”

“Then we can pretend we’ve been together for six months. Hold hands, kiss, the ‘I love you’s and whatnot.”

“Hm.” John looked at him for a moment, starting to bite his fingernails as he bounced his knee up and down. “We can do that, I suppose.”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not the greatest actor, but this date is supposed to help us get accustomed to ‘dating’, right?” He put the word ‘dating’ in air quotations, which made John smile and nod. “Yeah, exactly.”

“Yeah, so it should work out.”

“Alright. From this point forward, try to think of this as a date. Make it as real as possible.” He cleared his throat before reaching across the table to snatch Aaron’s hand up and hold it, lacing their fingers. Aaron only blinked before chuckling and squeezing his hand. “You’re kind of a dork, John Laurens.”

“Thanks, Aaron Burr. I try my best. I’m happy you get to come and meet my family over Christmas. I’ll try to keep things smooth when we get there. It’ll be a bumpy ride.” He sighed a little, but held his smile. It was one of those stupid puppy smiles that he always seemed to be throwing at Alexander. And Aaron suddenly realized why the two were always smiling; John’s smile was contagious. He didn’t even realize he was smiling until his cheeks hurt.

Dinner was actually a breeze. The food was good, the conversation went well. Turns out the two of them had a little more in common than Aaron thought they would. Alternative music and the same favorite author, as well as similar food tastes. It was, in Aaron’s opinion, the nicest date he’d been on.

Well, the nicest fake date.

Aaron smiled again as he finished his food up. “Do you want dessert? I won’t get it if you-“

“I already have a place in mind for dessert. Who do you think I am, some kind of monster who doesn’t plan ahead?” He laughed a little and picked up the check when the waitress brought it over, barely letting Aaron have a chance at looking at it. Aaron huffed as John scanned it over and pulled out a credit card. “John, let me pay.”

“Nah, I’m good. I got it covered.”

“John, please.”

“Maybe I’ll let you pay for dessert. If you’re nice and let me pay for dinner.” He squinted playfully, closing the little book that checks always came in and settling it on the edge of the table for the waitress to take on the way back. Aaron groaned and rolled his eyes. “At least tell me how much it was?”

“Nope.”

“Fine, then I’ll look myself.” He reached for it, and almost in the blink of an eye, John’s hand shot out and snatched the book thing back up. “Nope.”

“You’re an ass.”

“Thank you, dearest. I try my hardest.” He winked and held out the book thing to the waitress as she passed. Aaron blushed, and was thankful for the somewhat low lighting in the diner.

They managed to slip out of the place and get back to John’s truck, only to start driving further into the city. Aaron watched the city lights and bopped his was along to the alternative station John turned on. It was almost relaxing to be sitting in a lot of traffic, for the first time in history.

John got further in in about ten minutes, maneuvering his truck into a parallel parking space that seemed to only fit a motorcycle. But he managed, and soon enough he was dragging Aaron into Cups to get frozen yogurt (which Aaron was also not allowed to pay for).

They binged on toppings while in the place, and Aaron thought it was all too soon when John was pulling them back up to Aaron’s little house. He walked him up to the front steps and grinned. “I hope you had a good time on our fake date.”

“I did. It was nicer than I expected.”

“Excuse me?” John put on mock hurt, putting his hand over his chest and squinting. “Unbelievable! After everything I do for you!”

“You’re a loser.” He laughed and shoved John’s shoulder a little, shaking his head when John grabbed his hand afterwards to kiss his knuckles. “I’m a loser, sure, but you’re stuck with me. At least until December 26th when we come back.” He offered his puppy grin, which had Aaron smiling wide. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Yeah.” John laughed, still holding his hand. “Alright, I think this is the part where I kiss you goodnight.”

“You wanna do that?” He tilted his head a little.

“Yeah, it’s better earlier than later, right? Plus, we gotta be okay with doing it around Henry and my siblings anyway. Better to have our first kiss together here than have it be awkward while at dinner in Henry’s house.”

“Right, yeah, of course.” Aaron looked at him for a moment, studying John’s face. John always looked kinda sly, always like he was plotting something. Now he just looked like he was calculating, like he was trying to solve a complicated math problem. Aaron only looked back at him, staring.

John took a step forward, and it was then that Aaron realized that John had been staring at his mouth. _Oh. He’s really going for it._

Aaron let out a tiny breath before leaning forward slightly to close the distance and press his lips to John’s. John tasted like dulce de leche frozen yogurt and Hershey’s syrup, along with some kind of Chapstick flavor he couldn’t identify. He let his eyes close once he felt John actually kiss him back. It was gentle, and it was kind of quick; John pulled away first to look at him before smiling, letting go of his hand. “That wasn’t terrible.”

“Not terrible at all. You’re, uh, a good kisser?”

“Thanks, I got a of of practice in high school. Art school is wild. I’ll tell you more about it another time. Maybe our next fake date?” He grinned at him, and Aaron blinked twice before blushing. “Another one?”

“Yeah. We have to get used to each other first, right?”

“Oh, yeah. That makes sense.”

“Yeah, so I’ll let you know when we can go out again.”

“Sure.”

“Night, Aaron.” He glanced to Aaron’s front door, and Aaron blinked again before feeling for his keys, finding them and starting to slip inside. “Right. Night, John.”

“I’ll text you.”

“Alright. Night.”

“Night.” John gave a little wave as Aaron smiled and slipped inside, gently closing and locking the door.

He made sure he heard John’s truck roll off down the road before he let himself slump down onto the couch in a heap. John was... Charming, almost, in his own farmboy way. He contemplated whether all of it was an act or not. It didn’t feel like it. But then again, John could just be pretending. It could all be a joke, fake, like it was supposed to be.

Then Aaron realized that he shouldn’t be contemplating whether or not John was faking, realizing that it was irrelevant, and headed to go take a shower after making himself get up. He was just helping a friend out, it was all gonna be fake in the long run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, uploading two chapters in one day: i am. inspired.  
> please leave kudos and a comment!!! and find me on my tumblr, @mxsicalpup!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander makes Aaron question a few things before the trip. Not much happens in this chapter. Still the calm before the eventual storm.

They managed to get in four more fake dates before the Friday of the trip. Well, it wouldn’t technically be a Friday, it was more of an early Saturday morning when they would be leaving. So Aaron went to work on the cold December Friday, honestly rather excited to be able to get his work done and get home to finish packing.

He slipped in at seven thirty with a large coffee in his hand and a few files in the other, easily getting into the elevator and burying his nose in his scarf as he waited for the doors to close. Just as they did, a hand shoved itself between the doors, making them open back up, and Aaron locked eyes with Alexander Hamilton, the rat man himself. He sighed softly and closed his eyes for a moment as he ears him get in and double check to see if the button for their floor was pressed. “Morning, Burr.”

“Morning, Hamilton.” He glanced at him before taking a tentative sip of his coffee. The doors closed, and the moment they hit the second floor Alex looked at him with a glare colder than the thirty degree weather outside. “So, you’re dating John now?”

“Huh?” He looked at him quizzically as Alex blew into his hands to try and get them to warm up. “John tells me everything. He mentioned a date and your name, and that you guys went to see that new shitty Christmas movie that’s out.”

“Why do you sound upset? We’re not really dating, Alexander. It’s just.. How do I explain it?”

“You don’t have to.” He huffed, crossing his arms. “Listen. If you ever even think about hurting John, I’ll kick your ass.”

“Whoa, hey, can you relax for a second and listen to me? We’re not dating, so relax.” He huffed back at him. “Since you’re going to be busy next week for Christmas, I’m helping John out by _pretending_ to be his partner. Did you somehow forget he asked you about this?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He blinked at him as they got to their floor and the doors opened. “John didn’t ask me about anything.”

“Huh?”

“John didn’t ask me to pretend to be his partner or anything. What are you talking about?” He stared at him for a moment, and Aaron blinked before sighing and stepping off the elevator to start for his office. “You know what I’m talking about. The trip, John’s family, the pretend relationship. He told me he asked you and Lafayette and Thomas.”

“Burr, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Alexander quickly followed after him. “Why is John going to see his family?”

“He got invited to a family Christmas or something, told his father that he was dating someone. I’m the pretend someone. I’m doing him a favor.”

“John’s talking to his dad again?” Now he just sounded more concerned. Aaron turned into his office and set his things down. “I guess so. Why, did he not talk to him for a while?”

“I mean... John didn’t tell you about...”

“Tell me about what?” He looked over at Alex in deep confusion, and Alex blinked back at him before shaking his head. “Never mind. But listen. Keep an eye out for him for whatever you’re doing next week, okay? Make sure he’s fine. He’s good at playing pretend.”

“Yeah, I know...” He continued staring in confusion until Alex left the office and dialed something up on his phone, and then was talking in quick-fire Spanish. Aaron listened until the voice faded out. Then he took his scarf and coat off, hung them up, and sat down quietly for a moment.

Alex didn’t know about the trip. Alex had no clue about the fake dating.

What did Alex mean by John being a good pretender?

* * *

At least a hundred questions swarmed Aaron’s head throughout the day. What was Alexander talking about earlier? What did Alexander mean by John being good at pretending? Why did John need to be good at pretending? What did Alexander mean when he mentioned something that John didn’t tell him? Why did Alexander seem concerned when he heard that John was talking to his father? What was John keeping from him still?

He kept his knee bouncing throughout each meeting and throughout the work day. He figured it would be better to just keep all the questions to himself, and ask John later, when they were on the road. He would be able to tell whether or not John was lying to him in person rather than over the phone. He thought of himself as a good judge of character, for the most part, so it should work.

Five p.m. couldn’t come sooner, and Aaron bundled himself back up to get out into the cold to his car and get home. He finished packing up his clothes for the week (making sure he had more than enough for himself, because he was the type of person that always overpacked) and managed to get to sleep early, at 6:30 p.m., so that he would be awake for the car ride at 2 a.m. when John would be coming to pick him up. He was grateful for the schedule John had given. It made him feel a little bit safer, gave him a little more closure.

But now with all the questions bouncing around his skull, that small amount of closure had flown out the window.

He slept from six thirty to one thirty, when his alarm blared at him to get up again. He groaned softly and grabbed his phone to shut it off, making his eyes burn with the light of the phone screen. He sighed and sat up, grabbed his bags, moved his way downstairs wearing a warm pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, and his heavy coat and a scarf. It was December 20th, so of course the weather outside would be freezing fucking cold.

But he waited inside (which was also rather cold) until 1:55 again, when John was knocking on his door. Aaron answered and gave a sheepish smile. “Morning.”

“Morning.” John grinned at him, wearing his high-necked parka and a pair of jeans, looking wide awake. “You have your bags?”

“Yeah, they’re here.” He gestured to them, and John easily grabbed them and carried them out to the truck. Aaron blinked and hurried after him. “I can help-“

“Nah man, I got it. No worries.”

“You’re really awake for a two a.m. drive, did you take something?”

“Everything with you is drugs, why is that?” He laughed a little as he opened the pickup and slid the bags in next to his own. Aaron chuckled slightly. “The first time I met you through Alexander in college, you were high as shit.”

“We met for the first time in college?”

“Uhh, yeah? But just once, all the stories I heard of you were through Alexander.” He blinked at him before laughing. “You don’t remember?”

“Nope, not even close. First time I met you was at Bar 42 on East Ave. Alex came late and you were at the bar, he dragged you over to our table to say hi and then you fled.” He laughed with him, grinning at him under the light of the street lamp. “Once we get on the road, please enlighten me on how we met for the first time.”

“Sure.” Aaron grinned back at him, pushing his hands into the pockets of his heavy coat. John grinned before turning to get into the truck, and Aaron blinked before following and slipping into the passenger seat.

Then he noticed the Red Bull can in the cupholder and realized why John looked awake. “You know there’s bull piss in that, right?”

“Hm?” The engine revved a little when John started it up, looking over at Aaron quizzically. Aaron gestured to the can, raising a brow. “The Red Bull. There’s bull piss in it.”

“Hm. Cool.” John smiled slyly and looked to the road to start driving. Aaron practically guffawed. “That’s disgusting.”

“Well, the piss could be muted by the 5-Hour Energy I dumped in there earlier.”

“You did _what now?_ ”

“It’s a trick me and Alex learned together during college. That much I can remember.” He chuckled slightly, shrugging. “When we were cramming for finals, we’d mix coffee and Red Bull and 5-Hour Energy. Oh, and sometimes, if Alex had time, he’d use this weird strainer for coffee that was kinda like a sock strainer? I don’t know what it was. And he’d make the coffee, and it would only be like, a little bit of coffee in this huge fucking glass of milk. Just looking at that coffee would make you not blink for six years. Finals every year was an adventure when Alex broke out the coffee strainer.” He laughed a little, and the story actually had Aaron laughing too. “You two are stupid.”

“But I still got a higher grade on my calculus final than Alex did.”

“Oh my God, what the hell? Did he throw a shit fit?”

“Oh yeah, he was pissed. My favorite part is that I can’t remember anything about calculus. I just know that I got a ninety eight, and Alex got a ninety.”

“You can’t even remember the class?!”

“Not a single thing. I was high for a majority of college, all I remember are my art classes because I actually cared about those. My other classes? Vague memories. I remember a lot more parties though, so.” He shrugged and grinned over at Aaron, who was just laughing with his head in his hands. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

“I swear to God, Aaron, I’m not lying. Alex kept up his hissy fit all fucking summer.” He laughed, pulling onto the virtually empty highway to get into the Lincoln Tunnel. Aaron wiped his eyes a little as his laughter dropped to chuckles. “That’s hilarious.”

“Yeah, I know. Alex gets all defensive every time I bring it up, though. So don’t poke that sleeping bear of a story when he’s around.” He smoothed his hair back with a chuckle before fiddling with the radio once they got out of the tunnel. Aaron smiled and looked out the window into the inky blackness of the early morning, the only light sources being the moon, the street lights, and the headlights on the truck. It was silent, but it was comfortable.

Before he knew it, he was out cold with his forehead against the window. John glanced over before smiling softly and slowing down a little (the highway was empty, so it was okay) and reaching down by Aaron’s feet to tug up a blanket, settling it on Aaron’s lap before continuing to drive.

Aaron shifted slightly and shivered with cold, pulling the blanket up to his shoulders and pressing his face to it. It smelled a lot like John. He smiled in his sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Aaron are finally on the road. The calm is now starting to turn into the storm.

Aaron stirred to the scent of cigarette smoke and fresh air. He felt warmer, and grunted a little as he pushed the blanket down off his shoulders and just onto his lap, blinking in the dewy sunlight that was just starting to come up. He rubbed his eyes and looked over at John, who had a cigarette hanging loose from his lips, still staring at the road, his window down and his arm hanging out of it. He studied John’s profile for a moment, watched the way the cigarette smoke billowed from his nose and dissipated instantly with the wind whipping in from the open window, watched the way the loose curls and flyaways blew almost wildly. Aaron watched this for a moment before blinking and humming. “Hey.”

John blinked a little and looked over, giving a warm smile. “Hey.” He kept the butt of the cigarette between his teeth before looking back to the road. Aaron tilted his head. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

“Barely. I just do it on occasion. If it’s bothering you I can put it out.” He glanced over to him, and Aaron shook his head. “It’s fine, don’t worry.” John nodded and took it out from between his teeth to tap ashes out into the wind. Aaron looked out his own window. “Where are we?”

“Just got into Virginia. I stopped needing the GPS about a half mile back. Are you hungry? I can track down a Waffle House really easy.”

Aaron’s stomach growled in response, which made John laugh. “That answers that question.” Aaron smiled before going quiet to look up at the sky. Suddenly he realized why a lot of people loved to vacation in the countryside. The sky was filled with bright orange and red, as well as light violets and blues that would open up to the eventual blue expanse. He watched trees and open fields whizz by as they easily flew down the empty road. Aaron was smiling warmly, only pulled out of his trance when John fiddled with the radio to put on music in the background. Aaron looked over at John, watched him blow another bout of smoke out the window. “It’s like a whole other world out here.”

“It really is.” He hummed, keeping the cigarette tight between his teeth as they took an exit off the highway that led into a slightly rural town. John slowed down the speed until he was pulling into the parking lot of a Waffle House.

They parked and slipped out; John dropped his cigarette onto the ground and stomped it out with the heel of his Timberlands. The air was warmer than Aaron expected, and he slipped out of his winter coat to just be in a long sleeved tee as he got out of the truck. He studied the yellow letters against the blue roofing of the restaurant; it looked a little bit run down, with the outside lights flickering. But John was smiling as he walked to the doors to get in.

“I haven’t been in here in years.” John mumbled slightly after they sat with their menus. “It’s really nostalgic to be here. A lot of the time it would just be me and my siblings, and then just me and Martha, because Mary was busy and Junior- Henry Jr. I mean- turned into an asshole.” He chuckled slightly, scanning over the one-sided menu for all of five seconds before putting it down again. Aaron only yawned and nodded; he really needed a coffee pick-me-up to actually get going.

The waitress came, took their orders, and soon they were chowing down on waffles piled high with chocolate chips and sucking down coffee like it was lifeblood. Aaron was somewhat bewildered by how normal eating together like this had gotten.

They’d eaten in silence before John hummed softly, poking at a piece of waffle that just wouldn’t stay on his fork. “You mentioned last night that you would tell me about the first time we met, and not even ten minutes into the road you were out cold.”

Aaron blushed in slight embarrassment, which just made John laugh. “Relax, man. But seriously, I want to know.”

Aaron looked at him before chuckling and taking a sip of his coffee. “It’s kind of a short story, actually.”

* * *

_Freshman year of college. Columbia University was as bright and shining as it had always been. Aaron was lucky to have made it past midterms without being roofied somehow by passing frat boys or stoners looking for a round of fun.  
_

_His incessant and unbearable roommate Alexander Hamilton often talked to him of friends he had around campus that did things Aaron almost never believed. ‘My friend Lafayette is French and he’s studying war history and photography at the same time,’ Alex would say, ‘My friend John Laurens said he was gonna paint me for his art project this semester.’ And Aaron would always shake his head and shove his nose back into his law books._

_So, honestly, coming back to the dorm one night and finding the room filled with chalky smoke, and finding Alex with a stranger sitting practically on top of him, was sort of alarming._

_Alex looked up with a half-lidded gaze from the boy who had his legs over his lap, and gave a lazy smile to Aaron. “Burr, my man, this is the John Laurens I’ve been telling you about.”_

_Aaron blinked and stared at the boy. John blinked slightly, eyes bloodshot and half-lidded, a blunt hanging loosely from swollen lips as he smiled and gave a half wave. “Sup dude,” He mumbled, but it sounded way more like a ‘suuhhh, duude’ than anything else. Aaron made a slight face, which Alex seemed to find hilarious, as he started laughing in some sort of giddy and uncontrollable way. John blew out another bout of smoke and tangled a hand in Alex’s ponytail as Aaron moved across the small space of their dorm and opened the window. “You two are going to hotbox this place and make it impossible to smell like anything but weed.”_

_“That’s the plan, bro.” John chuckled and winked at him before pulling the blunt from his lips, and altogether shocking Aaron by tugging Alex forward a little to smash their mouths together in a sloppy kiss. Aaron stood there for a moment, floored and agitated and slightly grossed out, mixed with a little bit of stirring in the back of his mind and in his lower abdomen at the sound Alex made before he kissed back._

_Aaron blinked and grabbed his textbooks again to walk out and slam the door behind himself. He could even hear their laughter as he rushed down the hall to get back to the library._

* * *

 John stared at Aaron for a moment, a mixture of emotions on his face. A vague look of pain, a more apparent look of remembrance. “Ohhhh. Now I remember that.” It was soft, and it had a stiff ring to it, and then John wasn’t interested in his waffle anymore.

“Yeah, it wasn’t exactly the best first impression I’ve ever seen. But hey, we were all young, dumb, and freshmen in college, yknow? Still, I’m glad you remember it now.”

“Yeah, me too.” He gave a smile that Aaron sensed was forced, and Aaron figure he shouldn’t press. But now curiosity was coming to him as the caffeine from the coffee flowed through his system, making him a lot more alert than earlier. “Honestly, you and Alexander looked okay together, the few times I saw you before he met Eliza.”

“I guess.” He shrugged and glanced to his plate, with just a quarter of waffle left. He pushed his plate away as Aaron continued. “Yesterday he confronted me and seemed all pissy and overprotective of you.”

“Huh?”

“He was all like, ‘John tells me everything, you better not hurt him, I know you two are dating.’ Which is kinda funny, because you told me you asked him about the trip, and he honestly looked like he had no clue what I was talking about. And shit, he looked as pale as a ghost when I said you were going to South Carolina to see your father.” Now he was in lawyer mode as he watched the color drain from John’s face. He continued, “So then he was like, ‘Make sure you watch him, make sure you make sure he’s okay while he’s down there.’ And I didn’t know what to make of all this.”

John stared at him for a moment, sort of dumbfounded. “I asked him at a bad time, he wasn’t really paying attention. But he told me point blank that he and Eliza were staying home for Christmas to take care of Philip, which was obviously the right thing to say, because at the time of this call he was holding Pip or something, and that boy was screaming his head off. Terrible two’s. So Alex probably forgot. As for the part about him getting all nervous about my dad, he just knows that me and my dad didn’t get along, and we got into a scuffle the last time I saw him. That’s it. He’s overprotective and that’s that.” John’s voice had a hard edge to it by then, and he was leaning forward, and his eyes were both alight with something and dull with something different, all at the same time. “Alex is confusing and all over the place. We all know this. He’s a bit of a mess and doesn’t have all his ducks in a row. That’s why. I don’t understand why you think I would lie to you.”

Aaron looked at him for a moment, stared back into John’s eyes, which were now dull with an old kind of pain, and heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” John sat back again and let out a breath, pulling out a twenty to drop it on the table and get up. “C’mon, we gotta get back on the road to make good time.”

They went back out to the truck. John lit a new cigarette. Aaron knew John was lying to him about something, but he couldn’t identify it.

The inside of the truck was as silent as the warm Virginia sunrise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are lifeblood!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pair finally make it into South Carolina. John meets an old friend, and comes clean about an embarrassing happenstance having to do with a pickup truck.

Aaron had figured the rest of the car ride would be bad. He offered to drive them the rest of the way, but John insisted on driving the whole time. So they both sat, pouting, until they crossed the border between Virginia and North Carolina.

John seemed to perk up once they passed a bright ‘Welcome to North Carolina’ sign. He pulled off the highway and started taking local roads, looking like he knew them completely. Aaron hummed softly. “I thought you lived in South Carolina.”

“I did, but I have uncles and aunts up here in North Carolina. Plus, it’s still kinda early, and it’s Christmastime, so it’s like the entire state is asleep.” He shot him a wry smile, and Aaron caught onto their little game; they were gonna pretend that John’s little outburst in the Waffle House didn’t happen, and everything was A-Ok.

Aaron could play. But not for too long.

He rolled his eyes at him with a slight chuckle, looking around the rural areas for a few moments. The land between houses was spacious and wide, and it was almost a comforting sight to see in the morning light, except for the fact that after just five minutes of being in the state, they passed by two confederate flags.

Aaron upturned his nose and looked away from the window. “I honestly didn’t believe that some places were still so... so...”

“Terribly ignorant and racist. Yeah. Coming to the South is a whole other world.” He rolled his eyes, sitting back in his seat and pushing a stray curl behind his ear. “I hate almost everyone in the goddamned South, but I gotta tell you, sometimes I still find myself missing the farmland.”

“What was it like?” Aaron leaned forwards a little in his seat to look at him better, and John blinked at him for a moment. “What was what like?”

“Growing up on a farm.” He himself knew nothing about country living; he only knew about the food that southern people made on cooking shows on the Food Network. He grew up as an orphan under the care of his grandparents, and then his aunt. All he ever really knew was the big city.

John looked at him for a moment before looking back to the road, tapping his fingers on his thigh in thought. “Sometimes, I really hated it.” He studied the sideview mirror, looked at himself in it. “I was the oldest, so I upheld most of the chores. I tended the horses, I mowed the lawn, I helped pick most of the rice and the corn and the tomatoes. I grew up in hick country, basically. On a backroad. Originally, when it was just me and my mom and Henry, we lived in a small house with a large plot of land. Then my dad started making money off the rice farm, and he knocked down the house and built up the huge place we’re hopefully gonna be able to stay in. During that time, my mom had Martha, so we needed the space. I’m rambling.” He chuckled a little in embarrassment, and Aaron smiled. “No, keep going, I’m interested.”

“Alright. Uh, anyway, a lot of the time I hated it. Chores sucked, and I had to clean the horse shit and the chicken coop every other day and whatnot. But other days.. Other days were amazing.” He smiled softly out the windshield. “I used to have to wake up at four in the morning to get the farm up and going. I rode my old horse, Mist, around the place to get chores done. And I swear to God, one of the mother hens in the chicken coop always came out to give her own sweet version of a hug. In the summer, when the fucking heat was way too much, my mom used to make iced tea and cut up watermelon straight from the county market. This was when Martha was still a baby and stuff. And she was always proud of the work I did. Growing up on a farm with no cell service had a lot of ups and downs, but some of the time, life was good. I liked being a farmhand.”

Aaron smiled at him, and John blushed a little before smiling back. “Sorry for talking so much.”

“It’s fine. How come I’m just hearing about your mother now?”

“Oh, uh..” His smile faltered. “She, uh, passed away.”

“Oh.” He reached a hand out to touch his shoulder, rub it a little. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t like talking about it too much. Life goes on.” He gave a dry chuckle. Aaron made a mental note about the pain that flickered over his face. He sighed softly, dropped his hand away. “Alright... I didn’t know growing up in hick country could be fun.”

“Yeah, it kind of was, for the most part. I mean, the bus ride to school was definitely something else, and so was school in general, but I lived with it until I managed to escape at eighteen.” He smiled again, though his eyes were dull. “It was fine until then. But by then I was sick and tired of the country and wanted to see the north, so I enrolled in Columbia, and now here we are.”

“Have you been back here since you left?”

“Not once. I’m hoping to see maybe one familiar face.” He chuckled softly and looked harder at the road. “I didn’t think I would be excited to actually be close to home.”

Aaron took a mental note of those things, too.

* * *

It took them a while to actually get into South Carolina, and by then both of them were hungry and kinda tired and in need of a break from sitting in the car for so long.

John pulled into the parking lot of a store called Food Lion as soon as they got into Berkeley County. They both got out and stretched out a bit before heading inside. Aaron’s stomach growled at both of them, and he groaned in response. “Why couldn’t we stop at Burger King?”

“Because I want you to experience the power of a Food Lion, Aaron.” He grabbed a shopping cart with a smile, starting to push it further in. “Grab snacks and stuff. Dinner tonight is probably gonna be really big.”

“Sure, sure.” He walked next to him and the cart and looked around for junk food to fill up on.

To be frank, the inside of the supermarket was way different than an Acme or a Shop-Rite in New York. It was calmer, the aisles were a little more spread out. The place was also _huge_. It felt almost homely.

They skirted up and down the aisles and filled the cart with liters of soda and bags of chips and whatnot. They spent a half hour browsing the place before going up to the register to pay. John settle the stuff on the conveyer belt and moved up to pay, when the cashier suddenly blinked and smiled. “Hey there sugar, long time no see.”

John blinked and looked up from his wallet with a grin. “No fucking shit! Kinloch!”

“Laurens, holy hell, the runaway child returns.” The cashier, who’s name was apparently Kinloch, laughed and managed to lean over the counter to pull John into a tight hug. “It’s been too long man, where’ve you been?”

“Up north, dude.”

“Ah, you’re a city slicker now.”

“Yeah, I am. Sue me.” He laughed a little, and the Kinloch guy grinned before looking over to Aaron with a smile that reminded him of John’s sly one. “So, are you gonna introduce me to your friend here?”

Aaron studied Kinloch for a moment as he pulled on a smile and stepped over next to John. Kinloch was taller than them, about six feet, and he had broad shoulders and wide hands. He looked about the same age as John, mays one or two years older. Sunspots had settled themselves all over his face, and his hair was sandy blonde and curly and looked soft. He was handsome, Aaron had to give him that.

John hummed before snaking an arm around Aaron’s waist. “Right, shit, excuse me and my bad manners. Francis, meet Aaron. Aaron, meet Francis. I grew up with him.” Francis gave him a smile and held out a hand for a shake, which Aaron took. “Pleasure to meet ya, darlin’.” Aaron chuckled and nodded a little before Francis was back to John. “Are y’all together?”

“Yep, down here for Christmas vacation with Henry and everyone.”

“Oh shit, you actually came home for Christmas? Is the apocalypse coming?” Francis laughed and started scanning items. John shrugged in response. “Yeah, I guess. I actually got invited this year, so I have no fucking clue what’s going on.” Both men exchanged a look before Francis cleared his throat. “Anyways, how long have y’all been together?”

“Six months, but I’ve known him for longer.” Aaron chimed in, which made Francis give him an award winning smile. “That’s awful sweet. Y’all met in college I’m guessin’? You’ve got that city slicker accent.”

“Yep, New York, born and raised.”

“Damn Jack, you got yourself a fine catch here. Didya ever tell him the pickup truck story?” Francis winked and jabbed John in the shoulder, who snorted and swatted his hand away. “No, I didn’t, shut the hell up.”

“What’s this story about?” Aaron rose a brow at him, smirking slightly, and John blushed before laughing. “I’ll tell you later, alright?”

“Alright, fine, but I’m holding you to it.”

“Go right ahead, baby.” John chuckled and kissed his cheek. Francis hummed softly. “Forty-two dollars and fifty cents, sugar.”

“Good to see Food Lion prices are still low.” John hummed in response, fishing out forty five dollars from his wallet to hand over. Francis shrugged. “Everything’s still the same since ya left, Jack. Well, most things. Other things changed, but most things are the same.”

“Right.” John chuckled and got his change, leaning over the counter again to hug Francis tightly. “It was great seeing you again, man. I missed you a lot.”

“Same here.” Francis grinned at them both as they took their bags and settled them in the cart. “It was great meetin’ ya, Aaron. Make sure he tells you the story.”

“You got it. It was great meeting you.” Aaron smiled and waved before they slipped back out to the truck. They hopped in and sat there for a moment. They were both quiet before Aaron looked at him. “So are you going to tell me about this pickup truck story or what?”

“There’s not much to tell. We were fifteen and experimenting in the bed of Francis’ dad’s pickup truck, and when I sucked his dick I didn’t know how to do it right, and I ended up throwing up all over him.”

Aaron stared for a moment before bursting out into laughter as John’s face burned with shame. “No fucking way!”

“Yes way. And I really fucking liked him too. And I threw up on his dick while trying to suck him off.” He put his head in his hands as Aaron clutched his stomach and wiped at the tears in his eyes. “Oh my God!”

“Stop laughing! It’s embarrassing!”

“You threw up on his dick, how am I not supposed to laugh?”

“I don’t know!” John shoved his shoulder a little, and Aaron finally started to calm down. “Okay, okay. Holy shit. You threw up on his dick.”

“Yeah, I did. But it’s okay because the next day we went all the way in the bed of that pickup, and it made up for me throwing up on his dick.” He smoothed his hair back with a slight chuckle, and Aaron just grinned. “You’re actually ridiculous.”

“He was the only other gay kid for miles, okay? What else was I supposed to do? Suck my first dick in college and throw up on some stranger in a frat party?” He laughed softly at himself. “We never actually dated, but we were interested in each other for a while, and those two days in the pickup truck cleared my head. Just... The first day is the part I’d like to personally forget.”

“I can see why. That’s wild.”

“Yeah. This county holds a lot of stories, good and bad.” He shook his head, revved the engine. “Eat the chips we just bought. In an hour or two, we’re finally going to Henry’s place.”

Aaron didn’t think he’d ever seen the happiness drain from someone’s body faster.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pair finally arrive at John’s childhood home.

John’s excitement turned to nervousness the moment they entered a city called Moncks Corner. The town was small, sleepy, rural; there was farmland for miles between each house. John honestly looked pale, a mixture of nerves and fear settled on his face as he turned down a dirt road that was canopied in low hanging trees.

He pulled over for a moment and settled both hands on the wheel. “What time is it?”

“About five. Is something wrong?”

“I forgot that the dinner was a sort of formal thing. I forgot, it’s my bad.” He didn’t look over at Aaron, just stared down the dirt road. Aaron looked at him before reaching to rub his shoulder. “Relax. I have clothes. No one seems to be outside, do you wanna get changed?”

John ran a nervous hand through his hair before finally looking over at him. He looked like he was quelling the urge to throw up. “I’m sorry, but, uh, yeah. It’s easier than asking to get changed in there.”

“I suppose. I don’t mind at all.” Aaron flashed a warm smile that seemed to take some of the tension out of John’s shoulders, before Aaron slipped out to get into the bed of the truck.

The sun was setting, since it was the middle of winter and the days were obviously shorter, and it cast a warm amber glow over everything. Aaron tugged his suitcase out, and John did the same, and they both managed to find appropriate clothes to wear. So they got changed right on the side of the road, standing behind the truck to be away from said road.

Aaron got changed into slacks and a dress shirt, basically normal work attire. As he tied his tie neatly, John seemed to struggle doing it on himself, and looked like he was three seconds from crying.

Aaron studied him before clearing his throat, offering a smile when John looked up. “Do you need any help?”

“I think I can do it. Thanks, though.”

“That’s a lie and we both know it.” Aaron chuckled and took John’s shoulder to turn him to face him, starting to undo the knot John made and re-tie the tie.

Aaron looked up when he was done to just see John staring at him, the amber glow of the sunset casting a honey-colored glow to be around him. John looked nice in the light, softer, a lot more innocent than the rugged guy Aaron knew from the city. Aaron smiled and dropped his hands away from his tie to tap John on the cheek with two fingers. “You’re handsome, by the way.”

“Oh, shit. Uh, thanks.” John blinked before managing a nervous smile, looking down the road before moving to get their suitcases back in the trunk. “Just a warning, my family’s dysfunctional.”

“So is mine.”

“Maybe so. But mine is... Something else, definitely. Just bear with me, okay?” John gave a worried look that Aaron couldn’t say no to.

They got back in the truck to start driving down the dirt road again. John kept both hands on the wheel, fingers thrumming an anxious beat onto the worn leather of it. Aaron was calm, but could feel the nerves rolling off John in waves.

The dirt road was long, until they passed two more sets of trees that opened into a circular clearing with a fountain in it, and right behind that was the house. It was big, white, and made Aaron’s breath catch. “You used to live here?”

“The fountain is new. But, uh, yeah. I did.” John stared up at the house as they went around the circular bend and parked behind a silver Honda Civic with a Virginia license plate.

John parked and stayed in the truck to fix his ponytail, trying to get as many stray curls and flyaways down as possible before sliding out of the truck. He grabbed one of the Food Lion bags from the trunk and shuffled it around before pulling out a box of holiday cookies that would work as a dessert for the six people attending dinner that night.

Aaron hopped out then and reached to rub his back. “Take a deep breath. I know it’s been a while since you’ve seen them, but take a breath.” Cue John’s deep inhale, then exhale. “You can go in there and your family’s gonna be happy to see you.”

Aaron pretended not to notice John’s dry laugh as he took his hand and walked with him up the front steps. John took one more deep breath before taking the knocker on the door and hitting it three times.

A few voices filtered through, and then it was quiet until a tall, thin teen with bad acne on his cheeks answered the door. Aaron smiled, John stared, and the kid’s face dropped. It was quiet and awkward for a second before the look of shock on the kid’s face turned to one of confusion and anger. “You were invited?”

“Nice to see you too, Junior.” John sighed softly, and then the tall teen was replaced by a short woman with a grin on her face. “Jack! You came!”

“Martha, hey.” John chuckled and visibly relaxed, letting go of Aaron’s hand to hug his sister. Aaron blinked, feeling like he was seeing double for a moment, because Martha looked almost the exact same as John, except for her hair going all the way down her back and grayish eyes. Martha beamed at them and stepped back to let them both in. “Please, come in, we’re happy to see you. Jack, you brought cookies? That’s awful sweet, thank you!”

They stepped inside the place, and it was like a whole other world. Aaron admired it for a moment, letting John take up his hand again. He blinked when John squeezed it tightly, pulling him closer. “Martha, this is Aaron, my partner. Aaron, this is my sister Martha.” Aaron looked at her before smiling warmly and holding his hand out to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You as well, sugar.” Martha took his hand and squeezed it tight, shaking it quick. Aaron shot a glance to Junior, who was practically seething at the sight of them both before he raced off to the kitchen.

John ignored it. “Where’s Mary?”

“Fightin’ her way into a dress. You know how she hates them.”

“Good to know me and my sister still have something in common after all this time.” John gave a grin, and Martha started laughing, which ultimately made Aaron start laughing a little bit too, because Martha had this contagious laugh that made her sound angelic. She looked like the definition of a southern bell, wearing a light blue dress with a darker blue cardigan. She was pretty, and Aaron started to wonder if the model genes went around throughout the whole family. Then he remembered Junior and knew that not everyone inherited them.

A heavy patter of feet came from upstairs and started downstairs, a loud voice coming from a small girl’s body. “Honestly Martha, I can’t fuckin’ believe you made me put this shit on. It’s disgusting and I fuckin’ hate it. Can you tell me why I couldn’t wear my good jeans to this dinner? I don’t get why Papa insists on formal we-“ The girl stopped at the bottom of the stairs to look at John, then Aaron, then down at their hands, then back at John. “Jack?”

“Hey Mary. Good to see you’re the same as ever.” John tried a smile, but Mary just looked at him.

Mary’s skin was paler than John’s but darker than Junior’s. Her eyes were a pretty hazel, her face soft and scattered with acne scars. She still looked young, especially with the dress on. She seemed to be the shortest sibling, two inches below her sister. Her hair was dark chestnut brown and cut just below her shoulders, framing her face in a professional way.

She walked over and reached out a hand for John to shake. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is my partner, Aaron. Aaron, meet my sister Mary.” He looked at Aaron nervously, and Mary sized Aaron up before offering to shake his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.” Aaron gave a kind smile, and Mary’s face was just sort of cold. Martha watched her sister before clearing her throat loudly. “Anyways! Now that most introductions are done, why don’t you come in here and meet Papa.” Martha turned on her heel and started guiding the new group of three through the living room, then the dining room, and then the kitchen.

Junior had his back turned and was whisper shouting angrily at a man the same height as him. They were both about six feet tall and looked almost like twins, except for the man at the stove, he looked about sixty, and it showed.

Junior kept whisper shouting, “I cannot believe you invited the black sheep home for fuckin’ Christmas, this is unbelievable. He’s committin’ a sin just walkin’ into this place, I can feel the Devil’s energy-“

“Papa, Jack’s here.” Martha settled a hand on her hip in agitation, and John’s face fell and hardened. The man at the stove turned and blinked at John and Aaron through wire-rimmed glasses. “Junior, watch the rice.”

“Yessir.” Junior reluctantly mumbled and took his father’s place at the stove. The man, Aaron guessed was Henry, walked over with his hands clasped behind his back. His eyes flickered over the both of them, and he looked at John for a moment, only to watch John try not to shrink out of his own skin and hide. So Aaron took the liberty of smiling and sticking out a hand. “You must be Mr. Laurens. My name is Aaron Burr, it’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Burr.” Henry responded, voice like ice, as he took Aaron’s hand for a shake. Aaron pretended not to notice as he nodded and let go. Then Henry turned his eyes on his son. “John.”

“Sorry, something was caught in my throat. Hey, H- Pa.” John stared up at his dad like he was a wounded animal ready to try and attack. Aaron rubbed his knuckles to get him to relax. Henry hummed. “This is the partner you spoke about over the phone?”

“Yeah- I mean yessir.”

“Hm.” Henry nodded before giving John one more disappointed glare, turning back around to get back to cooking.

They all stood in the kitchen for a moment before John took the liberty of squeezing Aaron’s hand tightly and tugging him out of the kitchen, which had started to feel stuffy with the heavy blanket of that interaction. John brought him to the living room and mumbled something about needing a smoke, kissed Aaron’s cheek, and promptly fled.

Aaron stood there for a moment, looked around the somewhat spacious living room before noticing the pictures on the walls and the fireplace, and deciding those were much more interesting than the whispers in the kitchen and John having an anxiety attack on the porch.

He stepped over to start looking at the ones on the wall, which seemed to be family portraits and pictures taken just for the sake of taking a photo. A picture of a woman holding two baby girls, with one being older. A photo of Henry actually smiling with a baby boy that looked nothing like John, so he guessed it was Junior. A photo of the three siblings in some tropical island. A photo of Mary playing T-ball. A photo of Martha doing cheerleading as a young kid.

He moved to the fireplace mantle and studied the photos there too. One of an unnamed baby boy that didn’t look familiar to Aaron at all. Some more pictures of Martha and Mary and Junior, and two technical family photos. One had Henry, a woman Aaron guessed was their mother, with a young Junior standing in front of them, and Martha and Mary, with Nary holding a baby. The woman standing next to Henry looked frail. John was there in this one, off to the side next to his mom, not smiling. The second family photo actually looked much older. Henry wasn’t smiling, and neither was five year old John, but John’s mother was giving a slight smile to the camera.

Aaron suddenly realized that these were the only two photos in the room that had John in them. A cold chill went down his spine because of it.

Martha came out and started Aaron a little. Martha blinked once before smiling and glancing around the room. “Where’d Jack go?”

“Oh, he said he left something in the car, said he’ll be right back.”

“Ah, that Jack, still forgetful as all hell.” Martha smiled sweetly and walked over next to Aaron to glance at the photos. Aaron hummed, gently touching the one that pictured five siblings. “This photo is lovely.”

“That was the Christmas before our mama passed away.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“No worries, it’s okay.” She smiled softly and took the photo to study it. “It was the one good photo that had all of us in it. We got lucky that she was able to take it.”

“It’s a very pretty picture.” Aaron hummed softly. “Who’s the baby in there, though? A cousin or something?”

Martha was quiet for a moment before shaking her head. “That’s, uh... That’s-“

“Hey, what’s happening?” John slipped into the room then and settled a hand on Aaron’s back. Martha blinked and set the photo back down, seeming happy that she got cut off. “We were just lookin’ at some of our old pictures and whatnot. What did you forget in your car?”

“Oh, I forgot my wallet in the trunk. I couldn’t find it.” John smiled, winced when Martha reached up to playfully swat at his head. “You’re a dunce, Jack.”

“Yeah, I know.” He laughed, but his eyes were clouded over. Aaron leaned into his touch a little more.

Mary poked her head in. “Dinner’s ready. Jack, Papa wants you to set the table.”

John blinked. “Can’t y’all do it?”

“He said no buts about it. You have to set the table.” She moved away, and Martha and John exchanged a look before John let out a heavy breath and kissed Aaron’s cheek. “Guess I’m settin’ the table.”

“You’re technically the guest here, right? You shouldn’t be setting the table.” He whispered up into John’s ear. John looked at him before shrugging slightly, mumbling an ‘it’s fine’, and slipping away into the dining room.

Aaron looked to Martha, who had her head down, then followed John into the dining room. And Aaron was left alone in a living room that had mementos dedicated to every child that ever lived here. Mementos for every child, except for the oldest, who seemed to be erased from memories.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two manage to get through dinner, and have a somewhat peaceful morning afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for some graphic depiction of an accidental death, i.e. slight details about james laurens’ death, courtesy of h*nry laurens. sorry in advance

The family managed to sit down for dinner after John set the table in a rather meticulous manner that seemed a lot more like muscle memory instead of him freehanding it. Aaron had taken the seat next to John, and sadly, John’s seat was right next to Henry’s, who was at the head.

It was quiet. Food was plated and smelling good, but when Aaron reached to start eating John grabbed his hand and held it tight. “We gotta say grace.”

“I wanna do it.” Junior hummed, and Henry gave him a look. “I’m saying grace.”

“But you always-“ Henry gave a harder stare, and Junior backed down. Henry cleared his throat, and Aaron watched the whole family now their heads in sync.

“Heavenly father, thank you for this food in the beginning of our Christmas family tradition. We’re lucky to have a blessed farm and blessed animals. Thank you for everything you do for us, and thank you for keeping watch over our lovely Eleanor, and our precious angel Jemmy. In the Lord’s name we pray, amen.” A soft and nervous ‘amen’ resounded from the table, but John didn’t say anything because at that moment he looked three seconds away from throwing up.

Aaron blinked at him worriedly. “John, are you okay?” John nodded wordlessly and mumbled an ‘excuse me’ under his breath before getting up quickly (so quickly Aaron had to grab his chair from falling backwards) and hurrying off down the hall. Aaron watched him go before moving to get up, but Martha put a hand out. “Let him be.”

“But-“

“Let him be.” She looked saddened, and even Junior looked uncomfortable. Aaron shifted, cleared his throat. “If.. If you don’t mind me asking, who’s Jemmy?”

Henry looked up and kept his gray eyes trained on him. “Jemmy was our youngest son. He passed away when he was five, under John’s care. They were playing in the backyard, and James climbed up too high and fell, hit his head. Cracked his little skull open. John didn’t save him.”

Aaron felt like he was gonna throw up too. “I’m... I’m sorry for your loss.”

“It’s okay. We all get emotional over it. His death cams far too close to Eleanor’s.” Henry looked back down, unfazed, and bit a hefty bite into a drumstick. Mary’s lip trembled a little, and Junior just started eating. Martha looked down and away, picking at the vegetables on her plate.

Aaron looked down for a moment before sighing softly and trying to bring the mood back. “Uh.. Where’s all the Christmas decorations?”

“We put those up tomorrow morning after church.” Mary muttered, seeming like Aaron should already know this.

Aaron figured it was better not to talk.

John came back ten minutes later, eyes a little red and puffy but otherwise okay. He sat down and looked over at Aaron. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, you?”

“Fine.” He nodded once before looking down to eat. Henry hummed. “John, what is it you do now?”

“Art, Pa.”

“Hm.” He nodded, shoveled some mashed potatoes into his mouth. “And you actually make money off of it?”

“Yessir. Enough to have a nice apartment.”

“Hm.” Henry nodded again, and John looked like he wanted to throw up again. Aaron reached his hand out to settle it on John’s knee under the table, rubbing it softly, which eased some tension in John’s high shoulders. John looked over at him with an apologetic look, and Aaron just responded with a soft smile, tracing circles over John’s knee. John looked at him before smiling softly in return and looking back to his plate.

It was quiet for five minutes before Henry downed his wineglass and studied it for a moment, settling his eyes on John. “John, go get another glass from the cellar.”

“Can’t Junior do it?” He looked up and looked over at Junior, who scoffed and rolled his eyes. Henry rose a brow. “No, he can’t, because I asked you specifically.”

“I’d like to eat my dinner, thank you. Get Junior to do it. I set the table, let him do something.” John sighed softly, looking back down at his plate.

“Don’t give me an attitude, John.”

“I don’t have an attitude, sir. I’m an adult now, I don’t need to follow your instructions all the time.”

“You’re under my roof, John.”

“I don’t live here, so.” He shrugged, and a heavy air settled over the room. Henry stared at John with a silent fury, and as he opened his mouth again and took in a breath to start shouting, Martha got up. “Papa, I can get you another glass, it’s no problem.” She hurried over to take the glass from her father’s hand and place a kiss on his cheek.

Aaron noticed the way John flinched when Henry opened his mouth to yell, and then the way John shrunk into his seat under Henry’s heavy glare.

Aaron really wished dinner would end faster.

* * *

Another half hour later they were finally done with dinner, and as Henry and the others sipped coffee, John stood up with Aaron’s hand. “Well, this was nice. We should be going now. Thanks for having us tonight, Pa, we can be back in the morning-“

“Where do you think you’re going?” Henry settled his mug down and looked at John like he was a cockroach. John swallowed. “I rented a hotel room, I figured y’all wouldn’t want us hanging around if there’s not room.” He scratched the back of his neck, already letting his old accent seep through by accident. Henry just looked at him before smiling this crooked smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “You have your old room here. You can stay in there.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, John, I’m sure. You two can stay.” He looked at both of them before looking back down to his coffee.

John stood there for a moment before looking at Aaron. “You wanna go grab our stuff?”

“Sure, yeah.” Aaron nodded, and walked with John outside to the truck. Once they got to the bed of the truck, Aaron grabbed onto John’s wrist. “Are you okay? That was... Something else.”

“I told you. But yeah, I’m fine. It’s all good.”

“Where did you go during dinner? Your eyes are still puffy.” He reached to touch his cheek and rub his thumb under one of John’s eyes, in case someone was looking out the windows in the dining hall. John looked at him quietly before shaking his head and pulling away from the hand on his face. “I needed to make a quick call, I’m okay.”

“Who did you call?”

“Alexander.” He wheezed softly as he tugged out his suitcase, letting it thud gently against the ground. “I forgot that he asked me to text him when we got into the state, and I needed to call him up to avoid him giving me shit tomorrow or something.”

Aaron studied his profile in the light provided by the fountain before sighing and helping him unload their stuff. “Okay. But really, I’m here if you need to talk. We’re gonna be sharing a bed tonight, so we can really have a good-“

“I’m okay.” John looked over and pulled a soft smile, one that definitely didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s okay. We’ll get through it.”

They looked at one another for a moment before both looking away. Aaron sighed. “Alright.”

* * *

They managed to get inside and upstairs to John’s old room quickly after that. John closed and locked the door behind them, which Aaron didn’t find strange at this point. It might be a reflex or something.

The room was honestly rather big. It was set up just like John left it when he left the house when he was eighteen. Which apparently meant leaving behind a lot of stuff. There was still clothes in the dresser, and there were pictures in frames on top of said dresser and scattered around. He didn’t have a television, or a bookshelf, but a stack of books sat on top of the nightstand by the right side of the bed. It was also connected to a bathroom, which honestly piqued Aaron’s interest more than anything. “This is like a hotel room in itself.”

“It sure does look like that, huh?” He mumbled quietly as he looked around the old room. Aaron watched him, and it looked like John was suffocating in there. Aaron moved and opened the window, then turned the fan on the ceiling on low, then moved to take John’s hands.

John watched him do all this, just standing there when Aaron took his hands and laced their fingers. Aaron smiled at him, happy they were the same height. “You really have to relax, man.”

The lightbulb in John’s room had a yellow tint to it, so Aaron couldn’t see the light shades of pink that John’s face turned. “It’s impossible to relax in this place. I’ll be fine tomorrow morning.”

“Your family mentioned going to church?”

“I don’t go. I stopped going to church when I was sixteen. I mean, we can go if you’d like-“

“No, I’m not all that religious. We don’t have to go.” He pretended not to notice how John relaxed in relief. “Alright.”

“But listen, John.” He squeezed his hands, and the tension went back into John’s shoulders. “I don’t really know what you went through, with your mother passing away and then with your little brother passing away, and then the tension between you and your dad. I know it’s too late for family therapy, but you should at least consider therapy so that you can talk about all the stuff that’s happened to you. I’m worried.”

John’s eyes flashed with an old pain that Aaron could barely understand. Then John shook his head and smiled. “I’m okay.” He stepped over to gently press a kiss to Aaron’s cheek. “I’m okay. Stop worrying about me.” He let go and pulled away to grab his things for the bathroom, and Aaron stood there for a moment, watching him, before realizing that was the end of their conversation. He touched the cheek that John kissed, felt his skin practically buzzing, before he suppressed the feeling and sat on the bed to wait for John to get out of the bathroom.

Another twenty minutes later brought them to laying down, finally. John laid down after Aaron, and Aaron was relieved that they could fit comfortably on the bed. He rolled onto his side, facing John, curling up a little into the blankets as the room chilled. The comforter smelled like weed and hay and rain all at once, and two of those things immediately brought John to mind.

It was quiet in the room before John mumbled a goodnight, hugging himself tightly. Aaron looked at him before taking his shoulder to roll him over. “Hey.”

“Hm?”

“Do you normally hold something when you go to bed?”

“Uh..” John blinked at him in the dark, obviously embarrassed, before sighing. “Yeah, most of the time.”

“You can hold me instead.” Aaron looked at him in complete seriousness, looking at him the best he could with the light of the moon filtering in through the window. Most of it was on Aaron’s face, but some was splashed over John’s, and he could see that John was staring at him.

They looked at each other before John nodded and nudged Aaron’s shoulder to get him to turn on his other side, which he did, and then John wrapped his arms tightly around his middle and pulled him back against his chest, burying his face in Aaron’s shoulder. “G’night. Thank you.”

“It’s no problem. Night.” He laid there for a few minutes, just listening to the way John’s breathing evened out finally as he fell asleep, and then he was asleep right after, coddled in warmth and the light of the moon.

* * *

The next morning came, and the sun was late to rise, thanks to the technical winter weather that they should be feeling. Aaron blinked awake and felt cold. He turned around a little, and John was gone, and the window was wide open. The sun was just starting to rise.

Aaron slipped out of bed and shuddered at the cold hardwood floor, and then again at the chill that came in through the window. He looked around quickly for a pair of socks and a sweatshirt to pull on (he only slept in flannel pajama pants) before finding his college hoodie.

Then he realized the door was still locked, and you can’t lock it from the outside. A spike of fear shot up Aaron’s back as he quickly moved to the window and stuck his head out. He looked around, and lo and behold, there was John, finishing a cigarette and putting it out on the roof, sitting silently with a red and white plaid blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Aaron stared at him for a moment. John looked almost ethereal in the orange morning light, and Aaron admired the way John seemed to be basking in the sun. “John.”

John blinked and looked over at him to smile softly; it was clear that he hadn’t been out there long, because his eyes still held sleep in them. “Hey.”

“Come back inside.”

“No, not yet. I don’t want to yet. It’s safe, this part of the roof is at a low angle, so it’s good enough to sit on.” He moved over a little and patted a spot next to him.

Aaron worried his lip between his teeth before muttering ‘oh, what the hell’ under his breath, and climbed out slowly onto the roof, inching his way over until he got next to John and sat down. He shuddered in the cold, and John moved so their sides were touching so that he could wrap half of the blanket around Aaron’s shoulders. Aaron nudged his side lightly. “What’re you doing out here?”

“Watching the sunrise. What’re you doing wearing my sweatshirt?”

“Huh?” He looked down, and suddenly realized that the sweatshirt he was wearing was a bit stretched out, a bit oversized, and smelled like John. He flushed, which made John laugh. “Relax, it’s fine.”

“Alright.” He let out a breath, still worrying his lip between his teeth before managing to relax. “How long have you been out here for?”

“Since four. I needed to get up.”

“Since four? You couldn’t go back to sleep?”

“Nope.”

“What time is it now?”

“I’m honestly not sure. But I’ve been out here since four.”

“It’s freezing.”

“It’s not too bad.” John shrugged, fiddled with a few fraying strings on the blanket to occupy his hands. Aaron looked at him for a moment, realizing how much softer and more innocent he looked in the morning light with his hair down, and he smiled. John looked back up at him and blinked before smiling in return. “Don’t stare at me, stare at the sunrise.” He playfully cupped his cheek before turning his head for him to get him to watch the sunrise.

It was even prettier than when they were driving through Virginia. The sun was a bright orange ball that sent everything below it glowing in golden light. Purples and violets streaked across the cloudless sky, and birds chirped and winds blew in the distance. John hummed softly. “This was my favorite part about growing up here. The scenery.”

Suddenly Aaron realized that it was his favorite part of this place too.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Laurens family is terrible in this part.

Aaron lost track of how long they were sitting outside. The sun rose up, and the day opened up around them. John smoked quietly, making sure to blow the smoke away from Aaron’s face, and Aaron found himself starting to tolerate the smell of it a little bit more.

After a bit, their stomachs growled, and they both clambered back inside. “Do you want pancakes?” John tilted his head as he moved to his suitcase to grab clothes, pulling off his tank top. Aaron stared for a moment at a long scar cutting down from John’s shoulder to just below his shoulder blade, and John looked over when he didn’t get an answer. He blinked before chuckling and winking. “Earth to Aaron. Get your gay thoughts collected.”

Aaron shook his head and moved to press two fingers to the base of the scar, under his shoulder blade. “What happened here?”

“Huh?” He looked over his shoulder with a shudder before biting his lip. “Oh, that was an accident on the farm. A tool fell from one of the shelves in the barn and cut me deep. It happened a long time ago.” He looked away and took a step forwards to pull on his shirt, then started tugging on jeans.

Aaron watched him for a second before nodding. “Alright..” He turned to start pulling on his own clothes- a gray sweater and jeans- before looking to John again. “Pancakes sound good.”

“Great.” He nodded and shot him a slight smile before unlocking the door and leading him out.

Aaron knew he was lying about the accident, but figured it wasn’t his place to press.

The house was empty except for the two of them when they got downstairs. Aaron figured the rest of the family went to church, and just didn’t bother to go and ask if either of them wanted to come. Or maybe they came to inquire, but neither of them answered because they were outside.

John started grabbing stuff to make batter from scratch, and Aaron stood next to him. “Can I help?”

“You can cut up fruit, if you want any in your pancakes. If not, make a pot of coffee.” John glanced to him before continuing to work, and Aaron nodded before looking around the fridge for strawberries. He found some and started washing them to cut them up.

It felt domestic, the way they were cooking together. It almost felt right to be standing side by side with John, in his kitchen overlooking wide open fields and a bright, sunny sky. Aaron hummed softly as he cut the strawberries into halves, and he just barely noticed the way John was smiling as he whipped up the batter and started to pour it into a pan.

John looked over and tapped his shoulder. “Pass me the strawberries, you can start the coffee.” Aaron smiled back and nodded, sliding over the container of the fruit before moving over to start making coffee. The coffee maker was right next to the stove, so their sides brushed as they went about their business. Aaron slipped into an easily contented mindset because of the contact.

Soon enough they were sitting across from each other in the dining room with all the blinds open and the curtains drawn wide, so all the sun could come in and illuminate the room. Aaron took a bite of his pancakes and almost moaned. “This is great!”

“I learned from my mom. Thank you.” John smiled with pride, and as he went to take a bite, the front door unlocked and in came his father and his siblings. His pride slipped off his shoulders like water slips off a duck’s back.

Junior stepped in and sniffed the air a little. “Oh shit, you made pancakes?” Henry followed right behind and squinted. “Did you cook?”

“Uh, yeah, I did.”

“Did you make any for your siblings?”

“I didn’t know when y’all were getting back.”

“You’re always selfish. Make some for your siblings, John.” Henry sighed in disappointment, and John put his fork down to get up and start cooking all over again. Martha rubbed her arm awkwardly from behind her father, and Mary just made her way upstairs. Junior watched John before muttering something under his breath and taking John’s seat, starting to eat John’s pancakes instead. Aaron blinked in disgust. “That was your brother’s food.”

“You move it you lose it. And, also, it’s his fault for not cooking enough for the rest of his family. He’s a selfish prick.” Junior rolled his eyes, and John flinched slightly in the corner of Aaron’s eye.

Aaron made a face. “He’s not selfish. He didn’t know when any of you were coming home. It’s inconsiderate to blame him for this type of thing.”

“Oh well. Look at him. He knows it’s his fault.” He pointed his fork at John, talking around a mouthful of pancake. “He should’ve thought about his family before only cooking for himself and you.”

Aaron stared at the prick in front of him before looking up at Henry, who was in the doorway of the kitchen, looking through his phone. “Mr. Laurens, are you-“

“Aaron, don’t.” John looked up and over at him, face stone and eyes begging him to stay quiet. Aaron looked at him before closing his mouth and just eating silently, seething with anger.

John cooked for the rest of the family, who sat as Aaron was getting up. John didn’t make himself more, and when Aaron offered to cook him something he refused. Aaron just sighed, and since they were still fake dating, he pressed a soft kiss to his cheek and mumbled a ‘relax’ against his ear. He watched Mary make a disgusted face in the corner of his eye.

Henry cleared his throat. “John, now that you’re done cooking could you do us all a favor and start bringing up the decorations?” John glared and shook his head. “I already cooked for you. I’ve done enough. When y’all are done, y’all can bring the decorations up, and I’ll help out with those. I’ll even set up the tree.”

Henry set his fork down. “Bring up the decorations.”

“No, the hell? I don’t live here. I’m not bringing them up.”

“John Laurens, you _will_ bring the decorations upstairs.”

“I’m not bringing the fucking decorations upstairs, Pa.” He huffed, and Henry made a quick move to stand, which made John cower almost instantly. He was saved by Martha lunging out to grab Henry’s wrist. “Let it go, papa. Let it go. Sit down. Jack, get the decorations.”

“But-“

“Get them.” Martha gave him a cold look, and John shrunk down further before looking over at Aaron. “Help me with the decorations?” His voice was meek.

Aaron was honestly just in shock from the whole scene that just unfolded in front of him. He could only nod dumbly and follow John down to the basement to look around for boxes with Christmas decorations.

After two minutes of searching, Aaron grabbed John’s wrist, which had John flinching. “John, seriously, what the hell was that?”

“It was nothing. He’s always like that after church, it’s whatever. It’s fine.”

“And your brother?”

“A douchebag. I don’t give a shit about him. He can say all he wants about me.”

“You didn’t eat.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time. God, I need a fucking drink.” He found a box labeled ‘Christmas stuff’ in loopy handwriting, and pulled it out easily. “This one’s light, carry it to the living room for me?”

“John, this isn’t okay.”

“It’s fine-“

“How can it be fine when this is a normal thing-“

“Leave it alone. Forget it happened. I’m already past it. Help me bring the decorations upstairs, please.” He sighed in exasperation, looking pale and scared, and Aaron looked at him for a moment before taking the box and turning to start upstairs.

He wanted to pry all the secrets and the answers out of John with a crowbar.

* * *

John had a beer in his hands by the time they started actually decorating. They all went outside to start stringing lights. Mary left to go to the market and get poinsettias for the hooks on the porch. Martha was stringing lights around the fountain. Junior was helping Henry with the tree inside, and Aaron and John were working on stringing lights all along the fencing and the columns on the porch.

Aaron whistled softly while he worked at looping the lights around the fencing, and looked up to watch John down the rest of his drink and hop off the ladder to toss the van into the recycling bin. He sighed, moved over and settled his hand on his back. “Feeling better?”

“Kinda. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I’m worried about you.”

“Pointless game. Don’t worry about me.”

“It’s my job to worry about you. Do you usually drink this early in the morning?”

“Yeah, sometimes.” He looked at him in complete seriousness, and Aaron deflated. “I really want to take you to see someone after this trip, it’s really not healthy for you to be like this-“

“Let me live, man. I’m fine.” He rolled his eyes before glancing to Martha and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’m fine. Stop it.” He climbed back up the ladder to continue stringing the lights up, and Aaron sighed deeply before moving away to finish his own lights.

They were done within the hour, and went inside to look over the tree. Henry and Junior decorated it. Three homemade ornaments were settled front and center, one for each of the siblings. Aaron looked over them and pulled on a smile. “When did you make those?”

Mary hummed. “Made them for our last Christmas with Mama.”

“Where’s John’s?”

“We lost it. I dunno.” She looked away and bit her nails. Martha gave a soft look to both Aaron and John, the latter of which left the room to grab another beer from the fridge.

Aaron rubbed his arm a little as Mary gave him a look. “Your partner’s lookin’ to be an alcoholic.”

“He’s not an alcoholic. He’s just stressed.”

“That’s what the alcoholics say too.” And she pointed to Henry, who also had a beer in his hand. John came back out and downed a good portion of it, slipping an arm around Aaron’s waist and holding him close. Aaron knew John was a lightweight, so he leaned up and whispered in his ear, “This is your last one. I’m giving you water after this, alright?” John just nodded and kissed his cheek in return, the action feeling normal enough.

The lights on the tree were turned on, and reflected a joy that no one in the house seemed to have. Aaron reminded himself that this was just day one. He had six more to go.

* * *

Dinner was long and awkward again, and no one said a word. John didn’t seem hungry, but Aaron forced him to eat because John ended up skipping lunch as well. So John ate the food put on his plate, and Aaron was grateful.

They retreated off to their room again, and they showered before John started shuffling through the closet for something. Aaron sat on the bed and watched him, a book in his lap, ready to just retire for the night (because honestly, dealing with the family at hand took a lot out of him). But his interest was piqued when an out-of-tune strum came from the closet, and John pulled out a beaten up guitar. “It’s still here, holy shit. I thought Junior stole it from me.”

“Do you play?” Aaron tilted his head as John sat on the floor and started tuning the strings. John glanced up and smiled a little. “I used to, a long time ago. I won my eighth grade talent show with this thing.”

“No shit.”

“Yeah, it was great. I think the trophy is somewhere in here, or in the barn.” He shrugged, looking back down at the instrument to continue tuning it. Aaron smiled warmly. “Do you remember what song you did?”

“Oh, hell no. It was, what, twelve years ago? I have no clue.” He chuckled and hummed happily once all the strings were tuned up nicely, standing and grabbing the red and white plaid blanket again. “Come sit with me?” Aaron nodded and opened the window for him, making sure he got outside and settled before following him out.

He snatched the blanket up quickly and tucked it around himself as he sat next to John, who strummed a few chords. They were happy it was a full moon, so the sky still felt bright, and John could see the strings. He plucked a few little songs, and Aaron looked out over the fields and the farmland, admiring the scenery for a while as John got acclimated to the instrument again.

Once he did, about ten minutes later, he started strumming out a song quietly, closing his eyes and letting muscle memory take over. Aaron looked over and watched John’s face in the moonlight, watched a sort of serenity take over even as a cold chill went through the air. John was unfazed, face towards the light of the moon, fingers moving swiftly over the strings.

John was charming, and John was handsome. Anyone would be lucky to have him.

But Aaron knew he couldn’t. Even if he knew John way better than at the start of this whole thing two months ago, he didn’t ever want to risk a friendship.

He figured he’d wait it out instead.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron questions John a bit. John fights back by pretending to feel okay. Aaron feels the first flutters of real attraction.

Aaron woke up on Monday with John’s arms tight around his waist and John’s face buried into his neck. The man behind him always seemed to grip onto him in his sleep, like he was scared something or someone was going to rip him away when he least expected it. He rubbed his eyes a little with a soft hum, snuggling back into the warmth of John’s chest before closing his eyes again.

He was awake, and no one would bother them. So now he has time to actually think about... Well, everything.

There was obviously something wrong with this family. Junior hates John, Mary seemed to hate Aaron, and Martha was devil’s advocate when it came to John and dealing with her dad. Henry just seemed to be spiteful and cruel, but he had to have wanted John there if he was the one to invite him. And, on the topic of being invited, Alexander didn’t remember ever getting asked to come. Things didn’t all add up, none of it made sense.

He made sure John was still asleep before grabbing his phone off the nightstand and sending a text to Alexander. It was eight in the morning; Alex was bound to be up and at work.

Burr: Did Laurens ever ask you if you wanted to come to South Carolina this week with him or no?

Hamilton: nope. why??

Burr: Because that probably means he asked me first to go with him.

Hamilton: so? what’s this gotta do with me?

Burr: Nothing. Never mind.

Aaron huffed and put his phone down, settling a hand over one of John’s instinctually. John claims that he asked Alex first, but Alex says otherwise.

Why the hell would John ask him first?

It took a minute for Aaron to realize that one of John’s hands was slipping into his own and lacing their fingers tightly. John gave a soft grunt as he was pulled out of sleep, and Aaron relaxed. “Morning.”

“Mornin’.” He yawned a little before putting his head back against Aaron’s shoulder, staying wound up around him. Aaron hummed. “I have to use the bathroom.”

“Too bad.”

“John, let me up.”

“No. Stay.” He squeezed around his waist, making him wheeze, but smile. “John.”

“Shhhh, I’m sleeping.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yeah I am. Shh.” John smiled against Aaron’s shoulder, and Aaron stopped fighting. But his brain was still wracked with the unsure feelings of confusion, and Aaron hated being confused.

So he waited. He counted five minutes before tapping John’s arm with his free hand. “John.”

“Hmm?” John was half asleep again by then, thoughts scattered, and Aaron squeezed his hand. “Did you ask Alexander if he wanted to come down here?”

“Why does that matter so much to you? I didn’t, but what does it matter? You’re here and that’s better.” He mumbled all of this practically against his neck, and all of it sent a shiver through him. “Okay.”

John was out cold within the next two minutes. Aaron was wide awake.

What the hell did he mean by that?

* * *

Aaron managed to fade in and out of sleep with his heart racing. What did John mean by the fact that it was better that Aaron was here and not Alex? He wanted to know, which was why when John stirred again an hour later, he turned around. “What happened between you and Alexander?”

“Huh? Dude, I just woke up.” He rubbed his eyes, looking a little worried and a little concerned, but altogether soft and sleepy. Aaron pushed it away. “Obviously, one of the problems here is that something went down between you and Alexander, and you asked me to come with you first, and lied to me. I want to know what happened.”

John blinked the sleep out of his eyes to look at him, brushing messy curls out of his face. He studied Aaron’s expression for a moment, and Aaron felt like he was staring into his soul before John glanced away. “Just a falling out. He met Eliza and that was it. I don’t know why we’re talking about this.”

“Because Alexander says that you never asked him to come, and this morning you woke up for, like, ten minutes, and said that it was better with me here instead of him. I want to know.”

“Are you always this pushy?”

“Only when I’m pushed to be pushy. So yes.”

“Fine.” He sighed, rubbing his face. “For a really long time, I really thought that me and him were gonna be great. I had fantasies of leaving the big city - because, if you didn’t notice yet, I hate the city - and going somewhere else where he could be a lawyer and I could just be an artist and things would be fine. I was in love with the asshole all throughout college. We were on-again off-again all throughout college, through all four years of it. So honestly, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that on the day I went to ask him out formally in the campus café a few weeks before we graduated, he ditched me to go sit with a pretty girl with shoulder-length black hair in a pale blue sundress.” He took a deep breath. “So we stuck to the on-again off-again thing and, after a point, he kissed me one more time and asked me to be his best man.”

“Jesus Christ.” Aaron breathed out slightly. “He’s an asshole.”

“Yeah. And it still stings.“ He scratched his scalp for a moment, sitting up. “So I feel fantastic now that I got salt thrown in that wound.” He reached over the side of the bed for his jeans to find his cigarettes, lighting one and closing his eyes as he took a drag.

Aaron just laid there for a second. “I didn’t know he had you for that long.”

“Yeah, and my favorite part is that he hit me up during his honeymoon to go have a threesome with him and Eliza.” He chuckled like it was funny, but his eyes held anger and betrayal in them. “It was hilarious. I had to call him and ask him if he meant it, and he was drunk as fuck. So it was a joke. All of it was a joke to him.”

Aaron thought back to the few times he’d met John in the dorm room, realizing the times that John was staring at Alexander like he was the sun, but Alex was never paying attention. “He really fucked you up, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, he sure did.” He looked at Aaron almost expectantly, studying his face as he blew smoke out of the corner of his mouth. Aaron blinked back at him, tried to read John’s expression, but John turned away to get up. “Anyways, sorry I fucking lied to you, I guess. I needed someone who wouldn’t pose too much a challenge, and I knew you wouldn’t. I needed you. So that’s why I said it was better for you to be here, and not him. Sorry.” He stretched, the sleeve of the tank top slipping and showing the scar on his back. “I’m hungry and need to eat something to get my head out of this. Do you want something?”

Aaron knew John was lying about something again. But as he looked at John’s face, which was stone by then, sad in the sunlight, he just nodded and got out of bed. “Sure, I’ll eat something.”

* * *

John had the power to switch moods in the blink of an eye, it seemed.

He hummed while he cooked up eggs and bacon, bopping his head to a song playing off his phone, some Spanish thing he picked off a playlist. Aaron almost found it attractive, how John seemed to love cooking. As he watched him cook, he remembered the man in college that he knew vaguely, and the one who broke someone’s nose in a bar fight. John had issues he didn’t want to resolve, or maybe he couldn’t resolve them by himself. Either way, Aaron was worried and concerned.

But John made himself look fine.

And they ate, and it was fine. And they got dressed, and it was fine.

Then John tugged on his windbreaker and offered a smile that barely reached his eyes. “C’mon, I wanna show you my old haunts.”

“Your old what?”

“My favorite places to hang out and stuff.” He shrugged, grabbing Aaron’s hoodie and offering it to him. “C’mon, it’ll be good. Christmas decorations are gonna be out, it’s gonna be fun.”

Aaron studied his face and recognized that John just wanted to make things better, wanted to make things between them smooth and easy-going, and...

And it was the first time Aaron felt the cruel twist of want in his chest. He wanted to take a few steps over and kiss him, wanted to take the fear and worry from his face and kiss it better.

And Aaron stared, and John squirmed underneath the look, his smile faltering until Aaron blinked himself out of it and nodded. “Yeah, alright. Sure.”

John managed a confident smile again and grabbed Aaron’s hand to lead him outside to the truck.

Aaron really needed to get his thoughts in check.

They drove easily down the dirt roads before they got back onto the main road to head into town. John was smiling, and it was that stupid puppy smile again that always caught him off guard. So he was smiling too, nodding his head along to some shitty country song that played over the radio. “Where are we going?”

“To get ice cream.”

“Huh?”

“You heard me.” John shot him a slight grin, and Aaron laughed. “You’re not joking?”

“Nope. Because once you have this ice cream, you’re gonna hate Dairy Queen.”

“Whoa, excuse me, Dairy Queen is superior.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” John rolled his eyes and took a few turns until they were on a different rural backroad. They drove for a while before they turned onto the parking lot of a run-down ice cream parlor that looked straight out of the eighties. It had bar stools and a wide selection of ice cream.

John practically ran inside the place to buy a large mint chocolate chip cone. Aaron stuck with vanilla ice cream with sprinkles, which John called ‘the beginner’s choice’.

They took a seat in the little bar-type area, and as John went to town on his cone, Aaron took a tentative bite of his ice cream. He practically moaned, shoveling a bigger bite into his mouth as John grinned. “Right?”

“It’s amazing, what the fuck?”

“I know! Homemade, baby.” He grinned and winked at him before leaning to offer the cone to him, practically pressing the ice cream to Aaron’s mouth. “Try it.”

“I’m not much of a mint person-“

“Try. For me.” He offered a wide puppy smile, and before he could do anything about it he was licking at the cone and moaning again. “It’s delicious.”

“Yeah, I know.” He laughed and took the cone back to lick almost in the same spot.

Aaron did his best to ignore that, too.

Both of them were cold afterwards, rubbing their arms to get warm and blasting the heater in the truck for a few minutes, sitting quietly, but smiling.

Alex was right. John was really good at pretending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> going on vacation for three days, so there may or may not be updates. i most likely won’t have time, but i’ll try!!! hmu on my tumblr, @mxsicalpup, and kudos/comments are always welcome!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John tries to make up for making Aaron upset, but things can never really go as planned.

John drove them further into town, where wreaths were strung up on the streetlights and Christmas lights were hung up on every store. The place looked drab compared to the place John grew up. It really looked like a backcountry farm town, with ample space between the stores and old pickups as far as the eye could see. Aaron thought the place was nice despite the drab grays and beiges of it all.

John turned down another dirt road (all the roads seemed to be dirt if it wasn’t the main one), and they were immediately in another world. It looked like a huge flea market that was Christmas themed. “This place is as popular as the Walmart is downtown. It’s just the farmer’s market, but it’s open all year round.”

They found a parking spot, and were soon walking around a maze of booths selling things from live bait to plastic snowmen to put out on front lawns. Aaron smiled as he walked around. The scent of cigars and alcohol were in the air, which seemed appropriate, since the market was rather close to a trailer park. Little kids ran around with candy canes, bundled up in heavy coats, laughing.

Aaron chuckled slightly as John caught up to him and tucked his hands into his back pockets. “Do these kids know that it’s only, like, fifty degrees?”

“These kids have barely ever seen snow, Aaron. C’mon. They don’t know what true cold is just yet.” John laughed a little. “My first winter in New York was utter hell. I never felt that cold or that sick before.”

“No shit.”

“Oh yeah. I had a cold the entire fucking time. I’ve never felt weather below, like, fifty degrees before. So having to walk through snowstorms to get to class was actually terrible.” He laughed a little, smoothing his hair down, and Aaron snorted. “Farmboy didn’t know what to expect.”

“This farmboy suffered real bad that year, and every year after that. I really do hate the cold.” He grinned over at Aaron, and Aaron just laughed. “You never do get used to that New York snow.”

“Right! It was ducking freezing all the time! In freshman year of college, when it first snowed, like, five inches, I thought classes would be canceled! But they fucking weren’t! It was ridiculous! Lafayette has to explain to me that college wouldn’t close unless the professors were truly snowed in, and I said that they had to be with that much snow on the ground. And then he told me that there was more than one snow plow, and that blew my fucking mind.” He waved his arms as he talked, and Aaron was just laughing, an arm wrapped around his stomach. “You really thought New York only had one snow plow?”

“I never really left campus, alright? I had no fucking clue what to expect.” John pouted at him, and Aaron just pushed his face away. “You’re a fucking dork, I can’t believe you thought there was only one snow plow for the entire city.”

“Shut the fuck up, man. This is bullying.”

“It so isn’t. I’m just laughing because you, a farmboy, thought that the big city only had one fucking snow plow.”

“Oh, suck my dick. I was stupid and high almost all the time, not to mention an art major. I didn’t need to know how many snow plows there were, I just needed to know when classes were and when I could get my next baggie of weed off my dealer.”

Aaron snorted at this and laughed, eyes closed, but he could feel John watching him just as well as he heard John laughing too. He looked over, and John looked away.

They both calmed down to chuckles as they walked through, looking over the slightly tacky Christmas decorations. John hummed happily before gasping. “Ugly sweaters, oh hell yeah!” He grabbed Aaron’s hand and tugged him over to a booth.

Aaron squeaked slightly in surprise as he was tugged, blinking a bit before laughing a little. John was grinning ear to ear as they stood in front of a booth piled high with ugly Christmas sweaters. “No shit.”

“We have to get some, Aaron.”

“What? No way, these are horrendous.”

“Exactly!” John beamed at him, then looked at the woman sitting behind the table. “How much for two?”

“Twenty bucks, sugar.” She hummed, falling around a cigarette. Aaron chuckled a little as he watched John start shuffling through the sweaters before starting to shuffle through them himself. He laughed when he pulled up one with a cat in a Santa hat that read ‘Have a PAWesome Christmas!’ He laughed and poked John’s side, holding it up to himself as John snorted. “It’s almost kinda cute. It fits your personality.” He grinned and went back to looking, and Aaron blinked before blushing and chuckling, folding the sweater back up and putting it over his arm.

Did John just call him cute?

John searched for a bit longer before finding a green one that had a moose in a Santa hat as well. John bought them (against Aaron’s will; he wouldn’t let Aaron pay) and they started back for the truck. “We can wear these on Christmas,” John mused as he unlocked the car, “maybe my siblings will think it’s funny. I know Martha will. Mary, maybe. Junior’s just gonna think they’re stupid.”

“Junior’s kind of a douchebag.”

“He sure is!” John rolled his eyes with a chuckle. “Just like his father.” Aaron sighed a little and settled a hand on his arm. “Try not to think about your dad, alright? He’s an asshole to you. You don’t deserve that.”

A flicker of something passed John’s eyes as they stopped to look at each other. John bit the inside of his cheek before looking away. “I guess. I mean, sometimes I do deserve it-“

“No, you don’t.”

“Aaron.” John sighed a little and looked back over at him. “Can we let this go? Please?”

“I’ll drop it this time. But I’m not promising that I’m gonna stop pushing you.” He gave him a look, and John seemed to squirm. His face suggested that he was fighting something off, and they both sighed.

John looked away first. “You don’t have to stop trying. I just won’t tell you.” Then he moved to the truck and hopped into the driver’s side. Aaron moved around to get into the passenger seat, and the engine revved as John started it up and backed out of the parking spot.

Aaron rubbed his fingers into the slightly scratchy fabric of the sweater. “Sometimes the things you do and say worry me.”

“I’ll try not to do or say those things, then.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better.”

“What will?” John glanced at him as they eased back towards the main road. Aaron looked over at him. “You opening up, perhaps?”

“Sorry, that’s a no-go. You got anything else? Maybe we can negotiate.”

“Why are you so scared of opening up to someone?”

“I have my reasons for my fears and my habits.”

“Like smoking?”

“Hey, I only really do it when I’m stressed out. Before now, I didn’t even touch those cigarettes until my dad called me in October to invite me to this stupid week-long shitshow.”

“I’m having a hard time believing that.”

“Alright, I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. We just had an okay time away from the house, right?”

“I guess.”

“Right. So why don’t we just.. Not ruin the okay time we were having, and stop having this conversation, yeah?” He looked over at him, forcing a smile, and Aaron looked away and out the window. “Sure, John.”

John sighed. Aaron just stayed quiet, silently fuming.

* * *

John turned the music up to fill the silence. If there’s one thing that Aaron learned about John, it was that he hated the quiet, for some reason.

They came to an intersection, and John stopped at the stop sign to look at him. “If I turn right, we go back to the house and I find something for us to do. If I turn left, we can go to Waffle House and get lunch.”

“Waffle House is fine.” He muttered, and John gave a solitary nod before turning left.

Aaron wasn’t hungry, but he knew it would be better for John if they didn’t go home.

John’s fingers rapped on the steering wheel as he shifted a little, chewing on his lips. Aaron glanced over to watch him for a moment. John’s lips looked chapped, like they were ready to just bust open under the stress of being bitten.

He didn’t realize he was staring at John’s mouth until they stopped at a red light, and John looked over to ask something, but stopped because he realized he was being stared at. Aaron blinked and flicked his gaze up, swallowed a blush and cleared his throat. “Uh, sorry, what?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Oh. Sorry.” He looked away, and he could feel John’s eyes on him until the light changed.

They got to the Waffle House rather quickly after that, and got inside to have breakfast for lunch. John kept squirming in his seat; Aaron remained still.

John seemed to swallow a sound before he managed to talk again. “I’m sorry about this shitty trip, okay?”

“It’s not too shitty.”

“I’m making it shitty with my shitty attitude, I guess. It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

“John, it’s not your fault.” He furrowed his brows, and John cracked his knuckles a little. “Can I go outside for a smoke, please?”

Aaron studied him for a moment, which seemed to make John’s shifting worse. Then Aaron nodded. “Yeah, go ahead.”

John stood rather quickly and slipped out of the restaurant. Aaron watched him through the windows as he paced a little and rubbed his eyes, then shook a cigarette from the pack, lit it, and took a deep inhale.

Aaron stopped watching him, giving him the space he seemed to need.

John took his time with the cigarette. When he came back, their food was on the table, and John sat down again to just dig in. He still looked... Anxious would be the right word for it, but he was less shaky and fidgety and more stoic while his eyes held all the fear.

“For the record,” Aaron started before swallowing the mouthful he had in his mouth, then continued, “I’m not having a bad time.”

“Huh?”

“Am I frustrated right at this moment? Yeah, sure, I am. But I’m not having a bad time. And I’m not frustrated at you directly, just other factors that are playing in.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t like when things don’t make sense or add up. It’s one of the reasons I became a lawyer. And your situation at home doesn’t add up in a way that makes sense. So my lawyer brain is trying to find a way to make it make sense, you understand?”

“Sure.”

“So that’s why I’m frustrated. But I’m not having a bad time. And none of this is your fault.”

“Okay.” John had been watching him the whole time as Aaron had explained and ate. Now John just seemed... He seemed to shut down a little before he started to eat his waffle.

Aaron was determined to figure out what the fuck had happened in that house.

* * *

They went back after they ate, and Henry was waiting for them on the porch with a beer in his hand. “John, you weren’t home for lunch.”

“No, I wasn’t. Aaron and I just ate.” He sighed a little as they walked up the stairs and onto the porch. Henry stood. “You should have called home to tell us this. Your brother and sisters have been waiting for you to cook.”

“I took my boyfriend out for a date, Pa. I’m not gonna cook for you and the family every day I’m here.” John took Aaron’s hand and laced their fingers immediately, trying to slip inside, but Henry laid a heavy hand on John’s shoulder that made him freeze. Aaron balled his fist at his side.

Henry made John take two steps backwards, and leaned down a little. “You better fucking cook something, John.”

“Yessir.” He gave a quick nod, and Henry let go of him and walked inside first.

Aaron immediately moved closer to John to tug him into a hug. John was pale, face blank and eyes scared, like that of a kid’s. Aaron sighed softly. “Are you okay?”

“ ‘M fine. He’s just drunk.” John loosely wrapped his arms around him for a moment before letting go to walk inside. “I have to cook. You can stay with me or wait upstairs, I guess.”

There was no way in hell that Aaron would leave him alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> going on vacation, so there won’t be any updates for two or three days after this. sorry in advance


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John reminisces about his mom, Henry is gross to his son, and John and Aaron have more than one moment together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for gross homophobia and a description of how John got the scar on his back

“Why do your sisters call you Jack, but your dad calls you John?” Aaron inquired quietly as he helped John cook dinner.

John had been kind of silent since his dad told him to cook lunch, and then he clammed up even more when Henry told him to cook dinner, too. Mary had passed by with Junior while they made lunch, saying something about how seeing John with Aaron like that made her sick to her stomach, and Junior offered to drive them to the church to pray for his sins.

So, at this point, Aaron just wanted to get John to stop having an anxiety attack.

“It was a nickname my mom gave me.” He muttered, mashing the potatoes so hard that the veins in his arm showed through his skin. John was strong, Aaron had to give him that. But he also needed to focus on getting John to feel better. “Your mom seems like a lovely woman.”

“She was. She was like my guardian angel. Gone way too early.” He sighed and mashed into the potatoes harder. Aaron hummed, stirring the rice on the stove. “What was she like?”

“She was everything to me.” He stopped for a moment to look out the window. “She had long black curly hair and dark skin and bright brown eyes and freckles like stars. She taught me to speak Spanish when I was young and always made me practice it, but I can’t speak it anymore, I can just understand it. She was always so kind to me. She taught me how to walk and how to talk and how to stand up for myself for the most part. I can honestly say that she was the only woman that I ever loved.” He gave a dry chuckle. “She was short, and she was loud, and she was Catholic and made me go to church every Sunday with her and Pa. I was her perfect kid until she had Martha, and then Mary, and then Junior. But she always gave me special treatment because I was the oldest. She was mine first. I took her death really fucking hard.” He looked back down to the bowl and continued working at the potatoes.

Aaron took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I don’t want pity. It’s in the past, and I’m okay now.” He sighed and started up something else, and Aaron watched him before looking back into the pot of rice. “Alright.”

John didn’t answer. He was back in his own head.

Aaron took note of how John seemed to shut down whenever he didn’t want to discuss something. He either made excuses, got angry, or just completely shut down. This was a shut down moment, it seemed, as John didn’t want to talk about anything. And John hated silence.

So Aaron took out his phone and glanced through his playlist before putting on _Twenty One Pilots_ and setting the phone in the windowsill. John snorted slightly, but didn’t smile. “Really?”

“I don’t know what else to play, man. I don’t exactly like loud noise, but I can’t stand silence either.” He looked over to John and smiled a bit, and John seemed to relax a little and shake his head.

Aaron swore he saw John mouthing the words to the songs.

* * *

Dinner was rough.

Aaron held John’s hand under the table (Aaron was left handed; he sat on John’s left to hold his left hand with his right) and Mary kept giving them dirty looks. Junior was quiet, and Henry (borderline drunk) would only talk to Martha. John shifted in the silence as he picked at his meal, biting his lips before clearing his throat. “Aaron and I won’t be at dinner tomorrow.”

Aaron blinked in surprise and looked over at him, raising a brow. “What? Why not?” Martha asked quietly, tilting her head.

John swallowed a little. “I’m taking Aaron out to dinner. This is technically our Christmas vacation too, so.. We wanna enjoy it.” He looked to Aaron and winked to try and get him to catch on. Aaron got the message and easily pulled a smile, nodding. “Yeah, he told me about it today. It shouldn’t be a problem, I hope?”

“Not a problem at all.” Mary gave a sly smile before taking a bite of her meal, looking over to Junior, who just shook his head. John let out a breath, rubbed Aaron’s knuckles. “I’m taking him out to the old bar downtown. It’ll be nice.”

“So you’re not cooking tomorrow?” Junior asked around a mouthful of mashed potatoes, and John sighed. “No, I’m not cooking tomorrow.”

“Alright.” Junior looked back down with a nod. “So who’s gonna cook?”

Henry blinked a little, suddenly tuning into the conversation. “John’s cookin’, that’s who.”

“I’m going out tomorrow, Pa. I can’t cook.”

“Why’re you goin’ out? Tryna find another easy way to avoid your old man, huh?” Henry grunted, downing the rest of the drink in his hand. Martha looked down, and John shifted. “No sir, just, yknow, wanna take my boyfriend out to dinner.”

“Y’all better be careful out there, then. Y’all could get shot or somethin’ for just bein’ together.” He gave a chuckle that sent a chill down Aaron’s spine. That was just a reality check of where they were; the deep South.

John shuddered a little. “Pa, I’d feel better if you didn’t talk like that.”

“You damn millennials. Always wantin’ to shove your sexualities down other people’s throats. We don’t fuckin’ need it. We allowed y’all to marry, we don’t need a goddamn parade.” Henry rolled his eyes and sat back, and Aaron gave a nervous chuckle. Mary was giggling, and Martha knocked her upside the head, flashing an apologetic look to John as Henry continued. “Y’all are lucky I even let y’all stay here. It could ruin my reputation, lettin’ you city slickers into my house.”

“Pa, you’re drunk.” John sighed and looked to Aaron. “Are you finished?”

“Yeah, I’m done.” Aaron nodded, sitting up a little. He only ate half of his meal, but he lost his appetite by then. John’s plate showed the same as he let go of Aaron’s hand to stand. “We’re finished, Pa. Martha, can you do the dishes tonight?”

“Sure, Jack.” She nodded a little, biting her lip. Henry just laughed. “You don’t like when I talk about reality with you, huh John? You just wanna hear whatcha wanna hear. Listen, if you want me to accept you for you, you gotta accept me for me. And I think if you just fuckin’ went to church enough-“

“Alright, goodnight Pa.” He gave a nervous laugh as he grabbed Aaron’s hand, pulling him out of the dining room to go for the stairs.

Aaron was chilled to the bone by the laughter that erupted from Henry, Junior and Mary. Martha just sat.

John was quiet until they got halfway up, and neither of them let go of the other’s hand. “I’m sorry about him and my siblings. They never really took to the fact that I couldn’t pray the gay away.”

“It’s okay. They’re too far gone, I get it. Set in their ways. My uncle was the same.” He rubbed John’s knuckles a little as they kept climbing the stairs.

John just looked worried, embarrassed, fearful. “They’re embarrassing. Henry never knows when to stop when he’s drunk. I thought he would be better than this.” He looked down, and they both knew that was a lie.

They slipped into the bedroom; John locked the door again. Then they both realized they were still holding hands, and John looked like he was swallowing something thick as he let go, shuffling his feet on the ground. “If you get hungry later, we can go out for fast food or something.”

“Sure, no problem. I get it.” He nodded, and when John didn’t look like he was gonna say anything, he mumbled, “I’m gonna shower, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m alright. Go shower and stuff.” He nodded quickly, and Aaron tried to give a smile, which John returned. Then Aaron grabbed his pajamas and slipped into the bathroom, locking the door behind himself.

He turned the water on and stripped down, rubbing the back of his neck as he waited for the water to warm.

John’s family fucking sucked.

* * *

He stepped out after showering for at least twenty five minutes, finding the window wide open again, with soft guitar pouring in from it. Aaron couldn’t help but smile and grab his hoodie and climb out. “Is that _Hey There Delilah_?”

John yelped and gripped his guitar for a minute before nodding and leaning back against the house. “Yeah, it was.”

“Don’t let me stop you. It was nice.” He chuckled as he moved to sit next to him, sliding into his hoodie easily and stretching out on the roof to look up at the moon. John looked at him for a moment before starting the song over, humming the words quietly.

Aaron closed his eyes with a soft smile before looking over at him. “Can you tell me how you really got that scar on your back?”

“I told you. A tool or something fell on me in the barn.”

“We both know that that’s a lie.” He tilted his head, and John bit his lip, stopping the song and settling the guitar on the roof. “I, uh... My dad used to have these really big belt buckles on his belts, and when he went to hit me with it it cut me.”

Aaron sucked in a breath through his teeth, and John gave a soft chuckle. “Yeah, it sucked.”

“What did you do to deserve that?”

“Well, I was only supposed to get a beating with the belt, but he was drunk and he didn’t fold it right.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, I dropped a plate, and that’s why he went to beat me with the belt. It was a good plate too. I was... I think I was thirteen?”

“Jesus.”

“Yep.” He smoothed back the flyaways from his ponytail (Aaron was fond of the little curls that accumulated around his hairline, he noticed) and brought his knees up to his chest. “He told me to tell anyone that asked that a hammer fell on me or something.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah. So that was fun.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It‘s in the past. Now I’ve got a nasty scar and I can lie about how I got it.” He shook his head before tugging his shirt up a little, showing off a few more scars on his abdomen. “Non-dad related accidents: this one was from a chicken clawing me when I was ten, and this one was from bumping into a part of the tractor that was sharp, for some reason, and this one-“

“Farmboy struggles, I see.” Aaron chuckled softly, and John smiled easily and nodded, dropping his shirt back down. “Yeah. Growing up on a farm meant a lot of work, and a lot of getting kicked in the chest by horses.”

“I don’t wanna know what that feels like.”

“It knocks the wind out of you for a little, but it feels like forever and it feels like you’re gonna die. I cracked a rib when I was sixteen getting kicked by my dad’s riding horse.”

“Oh God.”

“Oh yeah, that one was fun. And oh my God, this one time I broke my toe, but I didn’t go to the hospital until I literally couldn’t walk on it anymore.”

“John, what the fuck?”

“I know, right? But it was the middle of the season and I couldn’t waste time or I’d get my ass beat, so I just put it off and rode the tractor and got myself hyped up on Advil until I fell flat on my face on the hardwood floor in the barn. I cried, Mary made fun of me, and my dad just drove me to the hospital to get patched up.”

“Was this before or after getting your rib cracked by a horse?” Aaron was laughing quietly with his hand over his mouth as John grinned. “Uhh.. Before. I was fourteen.”

“Christ.” He laughed and rubbed his hands down his face, which made John laugh and shove his shoulder lightly. “I’m telling you man, my childhood was waaaaaay different than yours.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Aaron looked over and smiled at him, and John gave him a puppy grin that made Aaron chuckle again. “You were a dork.”

“Oh, I was. I played baseball for school, and I was, like, the shortest kid on the team.”

“No way.”

“Yes way. I have pictures to prove it.” He laughed and grabbed his guitar before clambering back inside, and Aaron followed quickly. John went into the closet and shifted things around on the top shelf before finding a box and tugging it down, sitting on the bed and pouring it out.

All the pictures that probably should’ve been downstairs with the rest of the family photos were now strewn on the bed. It was a box full of mementos and photos that John seemed to keep for himself. Aaron blinked a little as John shuffled through the pile before laughing as he found it. “Here. I was eight.” He passed Aaron a framed photo of a baseball team, with John offering a toothy grin. His hair was wild under his baseball cap, and he stood in the middle as the shortest kid. The bottom read ‘Tigers of 2000.’ Aaron snorted and laughed, pulling his phone out to take a picture. “Oh my fucking God, you were such a nerd!”

“Shut the fuck up, I trusted you with this!” He yanked the photo back after Aaron took his own, laughing and fake pouting. “What’re you gonna even do with that picture?”

“Send it to Alex.” He gave a sly grin, and John yelped before basically tackling him onto the bed. Aaron squeaked but laughed and play-fought to keep his phone in his hand.

After a minute or two, there was a quick and heavy knock on the door. “Jack, open the hell up.” It was Mary.

John squeaked before putting his finger over his lips and shushing Aaron, who blinked a little in surprise. John was basically straddling his stomach by that point. He blinked up at John, who gave his normal devious grin and tugged out of his shirt, taking his hair down.

Aaron flushed. Mary knocked on the door again. “Jack, c’mon, open up.”

“One sec!” He huffed a little before leaning down to Aaron’s face, whispering, “Kiss me real hard for a minute.”

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Playing a prank. We’re a happy couple, aren’t we?” He winked, and Aaron just stared at him before catching on and flushing darker. He nodded, and John grinned as he leaned down and connected their lips harshly.

It was thirty seconds long, but it made Aaron’s entire being burn. John’s lips were chapped and rough but warm nonetheless. He was craving more by the time John was pulling away and climbing off him.

He laid there, panting and staring at the ceiling for a moment as John went to the door, fucking up his curls on purpose before opening the door slightly and poking his head out. “What do you want?”

Mary made an audibly disgusted noise that was honestly hilarious, and Aaron had to cover his mouth to prevent himself from laughing. Then she huffed. “Papa wants you downstairs.”

“I’m busy. Tell him I’m busy.”

“Fine, but he’s gonna be mad.”

“Mhm. Gotcha.” He closed the door again, and Mary made another angered noise before stomping off down the hall, calling for Junior. As soon as another door was slammed, John started laughing, which made Aaron start laughing too. Aaron sat up and put his head in his hands, and John moved to sit back on the bed next to the pile of framed photos.

They calmed down after a minute, and John started putting his hair back up. “That was awesome.”

“Oh, definitely.” Aaron chuckled softly, watching John and the way he moved.

“Definitely. You shoulda seen her face, she was so fucking pissed.”

“At least it was convincing.” He nodded, pressing two fingers to his own lips. They were actually swollen still. He looked over at John again, and John visibly tore his eyes away from Aaron’s mouth, reaching for his shirt. “Yeah, thanks for that, by the way.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s not a problem.” And it definitely wasn’t.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has a weird dream, John shows Aaron how to ride a horse, and Aaron is a gigantic fool.

  _A deep inhale. A soft grunt. A louder moan._

  _The lights were dimmed and the bedsheets were a pure white, contrasting with the bodies on top of it. John’s hair was messed up and spread out on the pillows, his skin like honey and his lips a pretty red and swollen. He arched his back and curled his fingers into the pillows, whimpering and closing his eyes. “Aaron, fuck, shit..”_

  _Aaron groaned a little and couldn’t take his eyes off of John’s face. He dug his thumbs into his hips, making John moan again when he angled his hips up into him. Aaron was going slow; drawing every moan and whine out of him. “Fuck, faster, please-“_

  _"Shhh.” He leaned down and nipped at his neck, making John pant and wrap his arms tight around his neck, moaning against his ear._

  _“Fuck, Aaron, fuck, please, g-gonna-“_

 Aaron gasped awake and looked around the room for a moment, his whole body tense and taut. John was still wrapped around him, face buried softly into the back of his neck, hands against his stomach. Aaron bit his lip and tried not to think about the dream anymore, tried not to think about the little gasps and the unidentified Chapstick flavor-

 It didn’t work.

 He managed to slowly and carefully wriggle himself free from John’s grasp, replacing the empty spot with a pillow before escaping to the bathroom and locking the door. He took a deep breath and pushed his pajama pants and boxers down around his knees, glancing around for tissues. He snagged some before wrapping a hand around his dick.

  _John offered a soft whimper and a low moan of his name, scratching his nails down his back._

 Aaron’s breath quickened a little, and he bit down on his lip to keep quiet.

  _John cried out a little as he was pounded into, mumbling softly and begging him for more, to go harder, to go faster faster faster-_

 He bit down on his knuckles a little, bucking into his own hand.

  _John’s eyes and John’s hair and John’s hands and John John John-_

 He came into the tissues with a grunt that he muffled with his hand, leaning back against the wall and panting as his face burned.

 He just got off to a wet dream and thoughts about his friend who was sleeping right behind the bathroom wall.

 Fucking hell.

 He caught his breath after a few moments and threw the tissues into the toilet, flushing the shame away. He looked at himself in the mirror over the sink before splashing cold water onto his face to calm down. He tried to pretend that he didn’t just do that as he slipped back out into the bedroom.

 He looked at John, who was clinging to the pillow Aaron replaced himself with and with his face half buried into it. His lips were parted, and he was breathing quietly, his hair a frizzy mess.

 Aaron managed to tug the pillow away, eliciting a whine from John, who reached out for something to hold onto in his sleep. Aaron bit his cheek to avoid cooing as he slipped back into his grasp, facing him, and pulling him close. John made a pleased sound and buried his face in the junction between his neck and his shoulder, wrapping his arms tight around his middle and wrapping one leg around Aaron’s.

 Aaron managed a slight smile as he held John close in the early morning light, instinctually tangling a hand in his curls while the other rested on his back. He yawned softly, and let his smile fall as he remembered what he literally just did in the bathroom. He shuddered as his face started burning with guilt.

 He really shouldn’t have even had that dream. He didn’t know what brought it on.

* * *

An hour later, John was up and basically bouncing off the walls, trying to get Aaron up and out of bed. Aaron had passed back out in the midst of his self-loathing silent breakdown, and was half asleep when John basically pounced onto his chest. He wheezed and immediately went to grab his sides, opening his eyes. “Jesus Christ.”

 “Get up! I’m taking you horseback riding! C’mon c’mon c’mon.”

 “What the hell are you talking about?” He grunted a little and swatted at his hands when he poked at his cheeks.

 “Horseback riding. I’m gonna teach you how.”

 “You’re insane.”

 “I’m letting you borrow clothes and shoes and whatever the fuck, so you don’t need to worry more about laundry. It’ll be fun, c’mon! Get uuuuup.”

 “I can’t exactly get up if you’re on top of me.” He huffed and pushed him off, sending him onto his back next to him. John just rolled back up onto his feet. “I’m gonna pour water on you if you don’t get up.”

 Aaron then sat up and rubbed his face with one hand. “Alright, alright, I’m up.” He dropped his hand, and grunted when a pair of jeans and a flannel hit him in the face. “Let’s go!” John laughed a little before slipping into the bathroom, and Aaron groaned. “Why are you so hyper?” He slipped out of bed to start tugging on the clothes, and John hummed from behind the bathroom door. “I may or may not have drank a 5-Hour Energy.”

 “Like you did for the car trip?”

 “Yep!”

 “John, you know you’re a lightweight.”

 “Uh-huh!” He opens the door and smiled at him around a toothbrush before looking back in the mirror, hair down and curls wild. “Which is why the five hours of energy turn into eight. I’ll be going wild until we go out for dinner tonight. And you also haven’t actually been onto the farm yet, so it’ll be good. It’s actually really pretty this time of year. C’mon.”

 Aaron watched him as he buttoned up the flannel. John hummed happily as he ran his fingers through his curls before managing to gather them all back and tie it back. He pushed flyaways away and adjusted the collar of his own flannel, then looked over at Aaron. Aaron blinked before looking away and adjusting the sleeves of his shirt. John just smiled and walked over. “You ready?”

 “I guess so, yeah.”

 “Awesome.” He grabbed Aaron’s arm and immediately tugged him out, eliciting a yelp from Aaron as he stumbled to catch up.

 They went out the back door, passing the dining room where Mary and John were sitting, and went out into the golden sunlight of the late morning. The sky was clear except for a few lazy clouds that hovered and didn’t seem to move. They were fluffy and stark white against the blue sky. There was a chill in the air, but Aaron stopped feeling it when John slid his hand down his arm to grab his hand instead.

 John dragged him down a beaten dirt path to the barn in the back. Three horses were in their stables, and Aaron blinked a little. This was another reality check; they were really staying on a huge fucking farm. “How much land does your dad have to be able to keep horses, man?”

 “Oh, a lot. He bought more after he started making money.”

 “You’re gonna have a field day if you inherit it all.”

 This made John stop before he started laughing, letting go of Aaron’s hand to cover his mouth with it. Aaron blinked a little in surprise, and John waved him off. “I’m sorry, I just thought it was funny you would even think that I’d get an inheritance once that old man kicks the bucket.”

 “Huh? What do you mean? You’re the firstborn.”

 “Doesn’t mean shit. He told me when I was twelve that I wasn’t getting anything.” He snorted. “I’ll get the scraps of whatever’s left if I’m lucky. But honestly, I don’t even want anything he would give me.” He shook his head and chuckled, like it was a really funny joke that he never  got tired of hearing. Aaron gave him a concerned look, and he cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t want the money or the farm anyway. I don’t wanna deal with all the tax returns and shit that you need to fill out if you’re running a working farm. I think Martha’s getting the farm, and the money’s gonna get split between the three of them. It doesn’t matter.”

 “Alright.” Aaron still felt concern, but John brushed it off and was smiling again in a minute, walking to the three stables. “The gray one is Misty, the brown one is Ophelia and the black one is my dad’s.” He turned away from the black one and focused on the two he named out loud. “Pick one.”

 Aaron blinked at the horses, and the brown one, Ophelia, whinnied a little. He hummed softly. “Uhh, her?”

 “Gotcha.” He opened the stable and took her by the reins. Aaron took a step back, watched John guide her out in a way that just showed he was experienced. “When was the last time you handled a horse?”

 “The June before I left. Why?”

 “It just seems like you really know what you’re doing even though you haven’t worked with it in a few years.”

 “Riding a horse is kinda like riding a bike. Once you learn, you never forget.” He shrugged and smiled, and the horse made a noise at him and bumped her nose into his head, and he cooed and petted her between the eyes. Aaron smiled a little at the action. John was an animal lover, he knew that much; Alexander had told him once that John hid a kitten in his dorm room for the entirety of junior year because he found it in a box in an alley. He was fond of animals himself, so it just made him happy to see it.

 John guided Ophelia to the middle of the barn and had her stand still while he started setting the saddle up on her back. Aaron chuckled as he watched. “I never thought I’d be horseback riding.”

 “Well, here you go.” John laughed a little and finished up, brushing off the saddle before holding out a hand. “Grab my hand and put your right foot in the stirrup. You’re gonna swing your left around.”

 “Can it be the other side?”

 “Oh shit, you’re a lefty. Right.” He nodded and moved to the other side, offering his hand again. Aaron looked at the horse, then the saddle, before managing to slip his foot into the stirrup. He grabbed onto John’s hand tightly, and grunted as he pushed himself up and settled himself into the saddle, grabbing the horse’s mane. He glanced over the other side and got his right foot into the other stirrup before looking to John. John smiled widely at him. “Good job, man. But I kinda need my hand back.”

 “Oh, shit. Sorry.” He blushed with slight embarrassment and let go to grab onto the horse’s mane with both hands now. Heights weren’t exactly his friend, so he kept his eyes trained on the back of the horse’s head. John chuckled and patted his thought before pointing to a part of the saddle that looked like a grip. “Hold onto that instead of pulling her hair.” Aaron hummed in acknowledgement and grabbed onto that instead. John nodded and made sure he was settled before taking the reins and guiding the horse out of the barn and to a closed corral out a bit further.

 They spent two hours out in the corral, with John trying to get Aaron to learn how to ride the horse. He only managed to learn how to get the horse to walk on Aaron’s command, but John was patient and seemed happy with him anyways.

 After Aaron managed to do a few laps around the corral at walking speed, John smiled up at him and got the horse to stop. “You wanna see the rest of the farm?”

 “If I’m controlling a horse, it’ll take years.” He chuckled softly. John nodded and tilted his head. “I know that much for sure. But it won’t, because you don’t have to steer. Scoot up a bit.” He gestured for Aaron to shift forwards. He did, with a bit of a confused look, but then John was hopping up behind him onto the saddle with a soft huff, reaching around him to take the reins instead. “Is this okay?”

 Aaron blinked a little, feeling John’s chest right up against his back. It wasn’t unfamiliar; it was technically how they went to bed for the past two nights. But something felt different about it, especially since the incident from this morning. “Yeah, this is fine.”

 “Alright, sweet.” He could hear his smile in his voice as he got a better hold of the reins and nudged the horse’s sides just right with the heels of his boots. Ophelia whinnied but went out the gates of the corral, heading for a trail.

 They trotted and walked around the estate and the farm. Aaron forgot about the chill in the air as he took in the serenity of the scenery around them. John calmly pointed out different areas of the place and shared mostly good memories, only a few bittersweet ones. Then they passed an old apple tree that looked haunting and decrepit, a stark contrast to the rest of the place. Underneath it was a white cross that stood tall, with black letters reading ‘James Laurens: 2003-2008.’

 John looked at it for a moment before swallowing and moving on. Aaron decided not to ask, already knowing one side of the story from Henry.

 It took them another hour and a half to get around, but it was nice, and Aaron really didn’t mind it at all. But, of course, both their stomachs started growling, and John put all three horses out to graze before leading Aaron back inside to whip up lunch. Aaron felt calm as he watched John move around the kitchen. John looked calm, confident, and happy.

 Aaron decided that he liked this John. This domestic, caring and sweet John. This was the one he enjoyed the most.

* * *

John managed to get them out of the house just as Henry started looking around for dinner. He kept the attitude up as he drove them down a different back road than Aaron had seen before. “So where exactly are we going?”

 “An old bar I hung out in in my last year here. I had a fake ID that I got off of Kinloch, the guy at the store from the other day. We used to hang out at this place all the time.”

 “You had a fake ID?”

 “You sound surprised.” John chuckled and glanced over at him with a sly grin. “Why are you surprised?”

 “I knew you smoked weed and shit, but I never would’ve guessed a fake ID.”

 “Yeah man, I used that shit until I became friends with Hercules. Then he got beer for me and the other two losers. But he never let Lafayette drink any because he was the youngest.” He shrugged a little at the memory. “Anyway, yeah. Fake IDs worked everywhere around this shithole town because no one exactly checked their validity. So I was buying beer at seventeen.”

 “Jeez.”

 “It wasn’t that bad.” He chuckled and pulled up in front of a dive bar that was blasting country music so loud it looked like the windows were shaking. A neon sigh stood high and mighty and flickering right across the front of the place: ‘Dave’s Dive.’ “Anyways. Welcome to my favorite getaway. I think they have karaoke or something tonight.”

 “If I get food poisoning from this place, it’s your fault.”

 “You won’t. This place looks like a complete rat’s nest, but their kitchens are clean as fuck and they have the best bar food in the state. Feel free to look it up if you don’t believe me.” He grinned at him before slipping out of the truck. Aaron blinked before laughing a little and shaking his head, getting out of the truck and following him inside.

 It was definitely a dive bar. Some people sat chugging beer at the bar, others were in the back playing pool and listening to the live music, which wasn’t all that good because it really was karaoke night and there were two drunk guys singing the national anthem. John managed to get them a seat in the back room with the pool tables and the stage.

 They ate the bar food (John was right; the nachos were out of this world) and had a few beers, and were buzzed after an hour or so. John, the lightweight, was just past tipsy, and was laughing as they watched some guy hop around the stage trying to rap some shitty pop song before ultimately falling off the stage. John downed the rest of his glass. “I bet I can do a better job than him.”

 “The hell are you talking about, man?”

 “I’m gonna go up there.”

 “Oh my God, no you’re not.”

 “I am! Look, they’re turning the disco lights on. I’m gonna do it.” He gave a wide grin, and Aaron laughed as John got up from his chair and padded over to the sound booth, having a quick few words with the redneck running it and a quick glance through the song book before he was hopping up onto the stage with a laugh.

 The screen that displayed the lyrics for the song changed colors to be a red screen, and it suddenly flashed the words ‘House Party by Sam Hunt’ across them in bright yellow lettering. Aaron snorted and fumbled for his phone to record the spectacle.

 The disco ball in the middle of the ceiling glowed, and the lights were dimmed so low they couldn’t been off. Blue and purple neon lights lit up, and Aaron could only assume that they were the disco lights John had mentioned briefly before. He laughed a little as the guitar solo played loudly through the speakers; of course the farmboy picked a fucking country song.

 But, honestly, it wasn’t that bad. John wasn’t a bad singer. He was tipsy, sure, and his words were the tiniest bit slurred, but he was trying his best. And he looked good doing it.

 The second verse of the song caught Aaron off guard, though. John grinned a little as he sang the lyrics with pride, “ _Throw a neon t-shirt over a lamp shade; I’ll take the furniture, slide it out of the way; shaking the floor, rattling the roof; we’ll go to town right there in your living room-_ “ During the last two lines, John easily pointed out Aaron in the small crowd of people and gave him a smirk and a wink that sent blood rushing to both his face and his dick.

 The blue and purple neon lights made John’s face hotter than it normally was.

 But Aaron did his best to laugh it off, and cheered loudly when John stumbled slightly off the stage at the end of the song, grinning like a fool. John plopped back into his seat and ordered a water with a laugh, and Aaron reached to clap him on the shoulder. “You’re not too bad at singing, man.”

 “Thanks.” He laughed and gave Aaron this look that Aaron couldn’t put a name on. They both looked at each other intently before the waitress came back with the water, and John asked for the bill.

 “I hope you know I’m not letting you drive like this.” Aaron chuckled slightly, rubbing the back of his neck as he stole a sip of John’s water. John hummed and stole his water back, easily knocking it back. “I’m alright. Tipsy, but good enough to get home.”

 “It’s like, nine or ten. Are you sure?”

 “I’ve done it before, bro. I’ve got this.” He paid in cash and left a good tip, but stayed to order another water and knock that one back too.

 They got back to the truck, and John was actually really steady behind the wheel. Once they were on the main road again, Aaron felt alright. He pulled his phone out to look rewatch the video, laughing a little, and John shoved his arm. “You ass! I didn’t even see you filming!”

 “It’s a good thing I did, I’ve never heard your country accent come out more than when you were singing that song.”

 “God, I probably look like a fool.”

 “A handsome fool, but a fool nonetheless.” He laughed still, and so did John. Aaron suddenly felt lucky to have been drinking tonight; he never would’ve said something like that out loud. Aaron continued anyway, “I really do like your accent, though.”

 “I barely have one anymore. I lived in the city for long enough that now I just sound like an angry New Yorker all the time.”

 “I don’t think so. Just from being here three days, you started saying ‘y’all’ and shit like that. That accent’s gonna be back by the end of the week, guaranteed.”

 “Shut the hell up, man.” He laughed and rolled his eyes, pulling onto his own dirt road. “I hate my accent.”

 “What? Why? It’s so nice!” He chuckled and looked over at him, and John shrugged and shot him a grin. “I dunno. I just don’t like it all that much.”

 “Well, you should. It suits you really well.”

 “Thanks.” He chuckled and pulled into the circular driveway again, putting it in park. Neither got out.

 Aaron took a breath, thankful again for the buzz in his brain. “That was honestly really fucking fun. Thanks for taking me out.”

 “Oh, it was no problem. I had just as much fun, if not more.” He laughed a little and looked over at him. The internal lights of the truck turned off, so Aaron was just left looking at John’s face in the moonlight. It was soft, and the moonlight trickled through the trees to cast both light and shadow over John’s face. John smiled at him a bit before looking down at Aaron’s mouth. And then Aaron realized he was staring at John’s mouth too. “Your lips are really chapped.”

 “I forgot my chapstick in New York and they didn’t have the same kind down here.”

 “What kind of chapstick?”

 “I think it’s peach or something.”

 Peach. That was the Chapstick flavor that was ingrained into his skull. “Oh.”

 “Yeah.” John chuckled a little and stared at him some more before biting down on his lip. Aaron, a fool, reached a hand out to cup John’s cheek a little and pull his lip out from between his teeth with his thumb. “Stop doing that. You’re gonna make your lips bleed.”

 “Maybe I want them to.”

 “Why would you want them to?”

 “So that you could kiss them better.” He gave him a look that read he was serious.

 Aaron, still a fool, dropped his hand away from John’s mouth and laughed softly, leaning away again. “Nice one.”

 John’s eyes flashed with something, and a look of rejection flashed over his face before he smiled again and laughed with him, shaking his head. “Yeah, I know. But I’ll try not to do that anymore if it bothers you so much.”

 “Sure, alright.” Aaron chuckled and slipped out of the truck when John did, and they managed to get inside without having to interact with anyone else in the family.

 John was quiet the rest of the night, but Aaron was asleep too quickly to worry about it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John’s a mess and Aaron doesn’t understand why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: aaron is a goddamned fucking fool.

Aaron stirred a little later in the morning on Wednesday, and woke up to a cold bed. He shifted for a moment before rolling over to look at the window, and blinked a little when he saw that it was closed. He sat up; the door was ajar and unlocked. He figured John had gone downstairs, and slipped out of bed to get dressed and whatnot.

He slipped into a fresh pair of jeans and another sweater before padding downstairs. It smelled like a restaurant, in that John was cooking up a storm. He wanted to ask, but Martha caught him in the doorway with a friendly smile. “Hey.”

“Oh, hey.” He hummed and pulled a smile before yawning. Martha gave a slightly nervous smile back, glancing into the kitchen. “How’s Jack holding up?”

“Huh?”

“He seems jittery today. I’m not sure what happened.”

“What do you mean?” He tilted his head a little, and Martha did the same, gesturing to John with her head. “He’s stress cooking, darlin’. Have you never seen him do that before?”

“To be quite honest, no. I haven’t.”

“Oh.” She gave a nod before looking back at her brother with worry. “He did it a lot after.. After our brother died. I swear, we all gained ten pounds. It lasted about two months. I think it was the longest time Papa was sort of okay with Jack bein’ in his line of sight.” She looked down at her mug of coffee, and Aaron shuddered a little at her words. Then she looked up again, her eyes conveying that she had said too much. “Well, I can’t ask him what happened. He wouldn’t tell me anyways.”

“He said you two were close...?”

“A bit closer than the rest of our siblings are to him, I suppose. His number isn’t blocked in my phone.” She shrugged before looking away for a moment, then back at Aaron. “I know he’ll talk to you. Try to get it out of him, will you? I’m a bit worried about him.”

“Yeah, I’ll try.” He did his best to offer a comforting smile, and Martha believed it, giving her own relieved smile before brushing past him to head for the back porch. Aaron looked over at John, who was grumbling as he scrambled the eggs in a pan, and bit his lip. Then he stepped in and went for the coffee maker. “John? You okay?”

John blinked and looked up, startled and searching, before he pulled a smile. “I’m alright. Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah, I slept fine... Did you?”

“Oh, yeah, I slept alright.” He nodded and looked back down to the pot. Aaron poured himself a cup of coffee, took a tentative sip. “Good.. Martha said you’re stress cooking. Are you okay? Did your dad-“

“Martha said I was stress cooking? I’m not stress cooking, I haven’t done that in a long time. She’s out of her mind or something. I’m just making breakfast, can’t a guy make breakfast without getting judged around here?” He huffed and kept pushing the eggs around the pan before turning it off. “I’m not stress cooking. Are you hungry? There’s enough to go around, help yourself.” He nodded his head to the steaming plate of pancakes that smelled heavenly.

Aaron just looked at him for a moment. John dragged his lip between his teeth, chewed harshly as he turned away to keep working. Aaron sighed a little and nodded. “Alright.” He resigned to grabbing a plate and starting to fill it up before John spoke again. “So there’s this place that’s, like, a half hour away. It’s a big tourist attraction but it’s open all year round. You wanna go? It’s pretty around this time of year. It’s over this lake kinda thing.”

“Oh, sure.”

“Awesome, we can go after breakfast.” He flashed a smile that was painfully fake before looking back to the stove. Aaron blinked a little again before filling his plate and going to sit down in the dining room.

He felt in his pocket for his phone before pulling it out.

Burr: Hey, do you remember John ever stress cooking?

Hamilton: yeah, a few times. why do you wanna know??

Burr: Because he’s doing it right now.

Hamilton: honestly i’m not surprised. in college he used to crash at herc’s place just to use the kitchen in his apartment after every time his dad called him.

Hamilton: all of us were up to our ears in leftovers because he used to cook so fucking much

Hamilton: and after my wedding too. he cooked a lot after that. don’t really know why that was but he did and yeah

Burr: Alright, thanks.

Hamilton: how is he btw???

Burr: Stress cooking. I have to go.

Aaron sighed and put his phone down after audibly scoffing at Alexander’s last texts. I wonder why he stress cooked after your wedding you prick, Aaron thought to himself as he picked up a strip of bacon and bit into it.

To be fair, it was the best bacon he’d ever had in his life. He hummed approval as he continued eating. The reason why the bacon was made was bad, but fuck if it wasn’t good.

His stomach growled, so he dug in, still trying to figure out what could’ve caused John to have this mini breakdown.

While he ate, Junior ended up slipping into the kitchen with a chuckle. “You look like a girl cookin’ like that, Jack. Are you really tryna be some type of chick? Funny, considering you don’t even want-“

“Morning to you too, Junior. Have some fucking pancakes.” John offered Junior this look that looked hauntingly blank, and Junior seemed to flip from teasing to angry. Aaron had to sit and watch as Junior’s hand darted out and knocked John upside the head. Junior huffed afterward and shoved past him to get to the already made food. “Watch your fuckin’ attitude with me. I’ll tell Pa that you’re bein’ a dick to me, and he’ll come at you.”

“Mhm.”

“Watch your fuckin’ back, Jack.” He gave a look to John before joining Aaron in the dining room. Aaron was immediately on his feet and in the kitchen, settling a careful hand on John’s back that made him jump and gasp and cower. Aaron cooed and grabbed his hands away from the stove. “Hey, hey, relax. Are you okay?”

“Fine, I’m fine, it’s fine, I was just an ass and I deserved it.” John pulled away a little and turned away, turning the stove off. Aaron tried to follow as John started walking, but John gestured for him to go away. “John, you didn’t deserve it-“

“I’ll be right back, I have to change really quick, don’t wanna go out smelling like food.” He shook his head a little and hurried out, leaving Aaron feeling closed off and worried.

* * *

They were in the truck forty five minutes later. John had the radio up and a cigarette between his fingers out the window. Aaron tugged his jacket a little tighter around his shoulders and sighed before glancing to John. “Are you okay?”

“For the last time, Aaron, I’m fine.” He glanced over at him and took a drag from the cigarette. “Stop worrying.”

“Well, I’m worrying because your eyes are still puffy from crying.”

“I wasn’t crying.”

“The red circles around your eyes say otherwise.”

“I haven’t been crying.” He grumbled and took an exit off he highway they’d been driving on. Aaron sighed. “Fine. You haven’t been crying. Where are we going?”

“A place called Broadway at the Beach. It’s closer to Myrtle Beach and whatever, but it’s nice.”

“It’s kinda cold to go to a beach tourist attraction, don’t you think?”

“Nope.” He shook his head, and soon they were in a town that sort of looked like a mix between a beach tourist site and a Christmas wonderland. Garlands and lights and wreaths were strung up everywhere. Snowmen were painted on windows, and reindeer were depicted on the beach with bottles of beer and sunglasses on. Aaron snorted. “This is so cheesy.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it.” John hummed softly along with the radio, pulling into an even bigger looking tourist attraction place.

From the outside, it just looked like a long string of shops and outlet stores that made Aaron laugh a little. But soon they parked and got onto the actual boardwalk of it, and Aaron realize that the place was fucking huge. Sure, it had tourist attractions like an aquarium and some type of house that was built upside down that was meant to attract the kids to it, but the rest was huge restaurants and big stores. It was actually really nice.

John gave a faint real smile and cracked his knuckles, seeming to fidget as Aaron blinked to look over at him. “You alright?”

“Fine. C’mon.” He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and started to walk. Aaron watched for just a moment before catching up with him. “Is this one of your old haunts too?”

“Actually, no. I came here only a few times with my mom when I was little, but I stopped after she passed.“

“Oh.” Aaron gave him a look of pity that made his shoulders tense much more than they already were. “Sorry, I sounded pitiful, that wasn’t what I was going for. My point, I guess, is that I haven’t been here in a long time and I don’t know when I’ll get to come back again. So I wanted to see it one more time.”

“Yeah, I understand.”

“Yeah.” John’s hands fidgeted a lot in his pockets. Aaron looked away.

They walked around and just took in the scenery. The sky was clear and a bright and pretty blue, the sun was shining brightly. It wasn’t as cold as Aaron thought it would be, so he unzipped his jacket and let himself relax physically, but still was thinking up a storm mentally.

John looked... Distant would be the only way to describe it. His eyes were still red, his face a burning facade. He looked like he wanted to run, like a scared animal trying to escape.

And then Aaron had an epiphany.

* * *

Senior year of college. Aaron and Alex were still somehow sharing a dorm, by chance or by Alex requesting to keep him there just because he wanted someone to battle verbally, if it wasn’t Jefferson.

Aaron was just trying to study up for a test before Alex came storming in, looking three seconds away from smashing a window or sobbing. He plopped onto the bed and curled up, looking rain soaked and exhausted. Aaron remained quiet and prayed to God that Alex was resigned for the night, but apparently Aaron could never get his way.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what’s wrong?” Alex was up again, fuming, arms crossed over his chest, and Aaron sighed and closed his books, turning to give Alexander the undivided attention he craved. “What’s the matter, Alexander?”

“John left me alone on our date.”

“What a shocker.” Aaron rolled his eyes; he barely know this John Laurens guy, but he seemed like an asshole who was willing to get a quick fuck and leave at the drop of a hat.

Alex didn’t hear Aaron and stood, starting to pace. “I don’t know what happened, he’s invited me to go see a movie a few days ago and now today he said he couldn’t do it, couldn’t see me, he didn’t want to be there. He looked scared and really upset and when I tried to talk to him he just fucking left! He left me there and he won’t answer my calls and I don’t know what’s going on with him.”

“Did you go to his dorm?”

“I went twice, the first time Lafayette told me to go away, and the second time no one answered. Laf’s probably getting dicked down by Hercules again.”

“I didn’t need to know that-“

“But John won’t answer me! He always answers me, I don’t understand. And he ran away again! It’s not the first time he’s run away from me-“

“I know that for sure.”

“-but this time was different and I tried to tell him not to fucking go but he did anyway! John’s always running away from his problems, he’s always up and leaving, he’s like some kind of scared fucking dog and I just don’t-“ And then Alex’s phone buzzed. And Alex sighed in relief and answered it, spoke in quickfire Spanish, offered a purr into the phone that made Aaron cringe in disgust, and then Alex was gone again in a flash.

* * *

Something was going on in John’s head. The cogs were turning and his feet were light on the ground and Aaron suddenly came to the realization that John looked and felt trapped because he couldn’t run from Aaron. Whatever had happened to make John stressed and upset from the moment he woke up didn’t matter, because John was tethered to Aaron. Without John, Aaron would be lost in a state he didn’t know, and John seemed to recognize this. So he couldn’t up and leave. And he kept looking around and pushing his hands around in his pockets.

Aaron grabbed his arm and tugged him over to sit on the closest bench. “What is the matter?”

“The fuck are you talking about?” John jerked away from his touch like it burned, shifted a little ways away. Aaron just looked at him. “You’ve been out of it all morning. You look like a scared animal.”

“I’m not a scared animal.”

“You look like one.”

“Thank you so very much, it means the world to me.” He rolled his eyes and brought a hand up to bite his nails as his leg started bouncing. Aaron persisted. “Look, if I did something to you last night, I’m sorry. We were both buzzed. I was half asleep. I don’t know what I did to make you angry-“

“You didn’t do anything.” It was a set of words that was usually meant to reassure, but the tone of voice and the look coming from John when he said it contradicted them. John looked like a hurricane ready to destroy, ready to break open and let everything pour out. Instead, he bit down on his lip. “You didn’t do anything.”

“Okay, so if I didn’t do anything, why are you upset?”

“I’m not upset.”

“You can’t keep running from the problems in your head, John. And you can’t keep running from whatever’s going on around you.”

“I can do whatever the fuck I want to do. You’re not my goddamned father. Hop off my dick, will you? I’ve got my own personal shit to deal with right now, and I’d feel a lot better if you stopped being a stick in my ass that won’t fucking let me be.” He stood and started walking, and Aaron stood to follow. “I have not been a stick in your ass.”

“No, you haven’t, just right now you’re being one.”

“Maybe so. But you need to fucking talk to me-“

“I’ve done enough talking about this for one century, thanks. I’d much rather go back to silence so you can at least try to enjoy this place. It’s pretty. Let it be pretty without having to smear all this oil on it.” He grumbled and then clammed up, hands still deep in his pockets, and Aaron figured there was some deeper symbolism in John’s words.

So they walked. And John’s hellfire settled down to a low simmer, and Aaron easily swept away his anger and kept it bottled for the sake of John’s health. They walked around and went into a few stores, and Aaron almost felt domestic again. They were a few hairs off from it. John didn’t give him big puppy grins the whole day, didn’t crack a joke or tell a story that made Aaron smile.

Aaron thought that John realized that they didn’t have to pretend to be partners when they weren’t in John’s family home. But that didn’t stop the sting from settling at the back of Aaron’s skull, pushing and prodding at him as he tried to think of what happened the night before, or maybe in the morning.

He really didn’t know. He wished that he did.

They left the tourist trap with several bags of tchotchke bullshit and clothes that advertised for Myrtle Beach, a place Aaron thought he’d never go.

Well, a place he’d thought he’d never go until now. John took a different exit off the highway and headed through a beach town before pulling into the driveway for the beach. And Aaron blinked a little at him before raising a brow. “What the hell are we doing here?”

“I like this beach. The sand is soft. Come sit with me on it, there’s a blanket in the back.”

“Are you insane?”

“Not really. The sun is kinda close to setting and I’d prefer to watch it here than watch it at home.” He scratched roughly at his knuckles, didn’t look Aaron in the eyes. But Aaron nodded anyway and got out.

They trekked up to the beach, and John convinced Aaron to take his shoes and socks off to actually feel the sand. So they gridded through the ice cold sand barefoot until John determined a good place to sit, and they laid out the blanket and sat. John kept scratching at his knuckles and made them red and raw. Aaron bundled himself up into his coat, since the ocean air made everything a little colder. The sky darkened, and then glowed in bright oranges and purple sand reds that streaked along the sky like big fireworks.

And they sat. And it was okay, for the most part.

John let out a breath, looked down. “I hate the city.”

“You’ve told me.”

“Sometimes I wish I could move back to the country. I miss it, a lot. I miss having a house instead of a shoebox apartment.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Because I don’t have anybody down here. Being a gay guy here in the south doesn’t exactly fly. And I don’t have any friends down here. I’d go insane if it was just me on this trip.”

“I’m sure your friends would come down sometimes. Or you can take trips to them. And Skype also works wonders.”

“I know.” He chewed on his lip again, and hissed when he finally got a raw place to burst a bit and bleed. Aaron squeaked and felt around in his pockets for a napkin or something, and praised the heavens when he found one just by chance, moving to get it against John’s mouth.

John winced slightly and almost batted Aaron’s hands away, but then put his own defensive hands down and let Aaron press the napkin to his lip. Aaron shook his head at him. “You really need to buy Chapstick.”

“They don’t have the kind I need down here.”

“Does it have to be the peach one?”

“Absolutely. And they don’t have it. So I guess my lips are staying chapped until late Saturday afternoon when I can get back to my shitty shoebox apartment and slather it on like you slather toast with jam.” This actually made Aaron chuckle a little before shushing John quietly to still clean at the blood on his lip.

John looked at him quietly, eyes swimming with hope and old pain and fresh wounds and other things Aaron couldn’t identify. John’s eyes flitted from Aaron’s eyes to his mouth and then back up again, and his lip quivered as he went to bite it and then remembered that the napkin was there. He sighed a little, but stayed staring. And Aaron stared back, at least for a bit, before he pulled away and settled back into his spot, handing the napkin to John. He took it, and looked dumbfounded for a second before his face blanked out and his eyes flashed and he shoved the napkin into his pocket. “Thanks for that.”

“Yeah, no problem.” He nodded slightly, and kept his eyes on him for a moment. John looked over, and any sort of hope that was there in his eyes was gone. “Don’t look at me, look at the sunset.” He cupped Aaron’s cheek for a moment to turn his face away and make him look at the sunset.

Aaron didn’t want to watch the sunset. Aaron wanted to know why the man next to him was pushing him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will be editing this chapter the moment i can get back into my laptop. my phone has a problem with italisizing big blocks of text, apparently. so i’ll be fixing all that tomorrow. leave kudos or a comment if you wish!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Christmas Eve. Shit hits the fan so hard, Aaron is left to try and put things back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for junior being gross, for a description of the results of eleanor’s death (it’s heavy material), and for h*nry being disgusting. tw for overall heavy content.

Something heavy landed on Aaron’s chest that made him wheeze and open his eyes the next morning. And there was John, smiling wide with a pair of antlers on his head and dressed in his ugly Christmas sweater that he bought at the farmer’s market the other day. “Merry Christmas Eve!”

“What time is it?”

“Eight thirty. I made pancakes and waffles. You should come eat.”

“I’m going to have gained fifteen pounds just from your cooking alone.” He huffed and sat up to stretch, and John just chuckled, keeping himself straddled over his lap. “Yeah, probably. But that’s fine, you’re too skinny anyways.” He poked Aaron’s stomach, making him yelp and swat at him. John laughed and gave his normal, easy smile that didn’t reach his eyes before clambering off. “C’mon! We’ve got shit to bake and things to do.”

“How long have you been up?”

“Since four. I needed to get presents and shit for my family, and I needed to start cooking with Martha. She’s downstairs. I’ll be downstairs when you get down.” He flashed a grin before leaving the room, and Aaron sat there for a moment.

John was pretending like nothing was wrong, like nothing happened yesterday or the day before.

Aaron sighed and got up, tugging on his Christmas sweater and a pair of sweatpants before heading downstairs and into the kitchen.

To be quite honest, this was the most normal that John’s family has looked in the past week. Christmas songs were blaring from a speaker perched in the window. Martha had her hair tied up messily and was laughing as she whisked cookie batter. Junior was just eating quietly, leaning against the fridge. Mary also had her hair up and was focusing on pancakes that she was making over the stove. And John was actually smiling, laughing with Martha, grinning and dipping some kind of biscuit-looking thing into white chocolate. Aaron couldn’t help but smile a little as he stepped in and out a hand on John’s back. “Hey.”

“Aaron, baby, I’m glad you’re down here!” John gave a sweet smile that imitated his puppy smile and leaned to place a kiss on Aaron’s lips, which Aaron returned, though internally startled. He heard a noise come from both Junior and Mary, but they both ignored it as John suddenly pressed the biscuit covered in white chocolate against his lips. “Try this.”

Aaron hummed before taking a tentative bite, then humming louder in approval. “This is good, what is it?”

“It’s biscotti. Martha learned how to make it, it’s fantastic.” He grinned and kissed Aaron’s cheek before looking back down to keep putting the chocolate and sprinkles on the rest. Aaron finished off the biscotti in his hand before smiling over at Martha. “It’s really good.”

“Thanks. But you haven’t had any of Mary’s pancakes yet. They’re to die for.” She gestured to Mary, who hummed and flipped the pancake in the pan. “Aaron, grab a plate.” He nodded, reached over John to grab a plate, and padded over to Mary, who flipped two pancakes that had red and green flecks in them, and they were shaped like Santa hats. He thanked her and moved to lean against the wall to eat them. “These are amazing.”

“Thank you.” She gave a curt nod and continued. John looked almost happy; only some light reached his eyes. Aaron glanced around for a moment. “Where’s Henry?”

“Oh, Papa had to go into work today. He’ll be back for dinner.” Martha smiled over at him, and Aaron blinked. “He had to go into work on Christmas Eve?”

“Apparently,” Junior hummed around a mouthful of food, “Pa had to take care of some immediate paperwork for the state. Said that he needed to do an audit of the governmental building, and then figure out a new bill or somethin’. He’ll be home for dinner. I hope the three of y’all have a good idea of what you’re cookin’.”

“It’s ham, Junior. It’s always ham for Christmas. And you’re helping.” Martha rolled her eyes, and John just kept dipping the biscotti into the white chocolate.

Junior snorted. “Like hell I’m helpin’. It ain’t my fuckin’ job to cook and clean the kitchen. It’s a woman’s job. That’s why you got good ol’ Jack helpin’ you out too.” He chuckled and nudged John’s knee in with his foot to make it buckle, making John yelp and drop the biscotti completely into the white chocolate as he grabbed the counter to keep himself up. Martha took in a deep breath and looked back down. “Be nice to your older brother, Junior. He didn’t do anything to you.”

“You ain’t the boss of me, sis.”

“I’m pulling rank. I’m older than you.”

“So is Jack. He could fight me if he wanted to, but he won’t because he knows if he lays a finger on me, Pa will-“

“Enough, Junior.” Martha snapped, and flitted worrying eyes between John and Aaron. Aaron looked about ready to pounce, but John had just steadied himself and continued working, the happiness gone.

‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ started playing through the speaker. No one sang along.

* * *

They ate breakfast in the spare time they had before they needed to continue cooking. Junior had resigned himself to doing his homework that would be due for him when he went back to classes, and to let the horses and cows out to graze. Aaron didn’t know what to do at first, but then Martha was shoving a supply list into his hands. “Can you and Jack run out to go get this stuff for us? We need it real fast.”

“Uhh, sure, no problem.” He nodded quickly and looked to John, who pulled an easy fake smile and nodded as well. He grabbed Aaron’s hand before placing a quick brotherly peck to Martha’s cheek. “We’re on it, sis.”

“Sweet. See y’all in a few.” She smiled warmly before scolding Mary about eating something, and then Aaron was stumbling after John, who was tugging him out of the house. As soon as they were outside, John let go of his hand, and Aaron felt a sting sear through his chest at it. But he didn’t ask. The fake happiness of John just rolled away like waves, leaving nothing but blank and isolated John. He unlocked the truck and hopped in, Aaron following.

The cab was quiet for a bit. John pulled off the long dirt road to get onto the main one, and fiddled with the radio before finding a station that was playing a decent country song and leaving it on. Aaron fidgeted before looking to John. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s gotta be something.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Aaron. Stop.”

“Did I do something?”

“No. You didn’t do anything.” John snapped and gave him a look that made Aaron flinch and finally back off. John sighed and looked at his hands, taking one off the wheel to scratch at his knuckles again.

Aaron scoured his brain for a few moments before looking at him again. “Does this episode have to do with what happened in the truck two nights ago?”

“No. We were both pretty buzzed. It’s fine. Sorry for saying that stuff though.”

“It’s.. It’s fine. But if that’s what’s making you upset, can we maybe talk about-“

“I don’t want to talk about what’s making me upset, Aaron. I don’t. So we can stop talking about it now.” He shook his head, and Aaron nodded. “Fine, be that way.”

“No problem. I love being this way. Makes me feel super amazing.”

“Good, I sure hope so.” He grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and looking out the window.

John drove them to Food Lion again, outside of town, and got out with the list and headed inside. Aaron followed, and just let John do his thing. This basically meant letting him pout like a child before actually looking upset, and then going back to being blank. Aaron figured he couldn’t get anything out of him at all anymore, and he knew that it was his fault.

* * *

They picked up the things on the list and headed home in silence, the only sounds being the crunching of the truck’s wheels on dirt roads, or the radio playing some shitty country song. They got out when they pulled up to the house, and John was suddenly like a different person, smiling again and kissing Aaron’s cheek when they went around to the back to grab the bags of supplies. Aaron played along, but it was rough; Aaron wasn’t as good at playing pretend. But he’d manage.

The house smelled like gingerbread and sweet frosting. Aaron relished in it for a moment, while John barely seemed to notice. He just went in to start putting things away and helping Martha set more pastries up to be baked, or start to get the ham ready for dinner. Aaron boiled the family’s excitement down to them finally having a day away from their dad, at least for a while.

Junior was gone and Mary only popped in once in a while to take care of her own food, so that left Martha and John and Aaron to take care of the rest of the food and the decorating of the kitchen and of the dining room. Aaron set the table and kept everything neat (even after Junior trampled in with mud on his gloves and his shoes to eat lunch, and then leave without cleaning or offering to help). John and Martha did a majority of the cooking, which Aaron was grateful for, because he could barely make cake from a box.

John was bopping his head around and looking like he was enjoying himself as he whipped up homemade cake batter with no recipe. Aaron could only watch in awe, mouth watering because he was standing close enough that he could smell it and it was so fucking good. John noticed his drooling and offered a playful smile, making sure he was finished mixing it before taking the mixer beaters off the machine part and offering them up to Aaron, like they were prized possessions of some sort. “Take one, we’ll share.”

“Thanks.” He tried a real smile at him for what seemed like the first time today before taking one of the mixer beaters and lapping at it lightly, like a kid with a soft serve ice cream cone that was piled so high it almost tipped over. “It’s good!”

“Thanks, it was my mom’s recipe.” He smiled proudly, and Martha’s face clouded slightly, but she was still smiling. “It is?”

“Yeah, it is.” John looked over at her and tried a smile, offering his own mixer beater to her. She took it, looked at the batter for a moment. “I haven’t had her cake in so long..”

“That’s because Pa threw the recipe away. I was lucky to get it committed to memory first.” He hummed, watched her spin the beater a little between her fingers. She looked over at him, bit her lip. “I miss Mama, a lot.”

“It’s hard over the holidays, I know.”

“It’s harder on you. You knew her the longest.” She reached to touch John’s shoulder, and John just winced, but held a smile that turned sad. “I’ve learned to deal with it.”

“You took it so hard.. It was understandable. You should’ve been able to stay home during that time.”

“You know how Pa is.” He gave a dry laugh and looked down at the batter in the bowl. Martha sighed, rubbed his shoulder.

Aaron was confused. He’d have to ask John later.

As if Martha could read his mind, she leaned over past John (who was between the two of them) and answered all of his internal questions. “Jack wasn’t allowed to stay home from school when Mama died. The rest of us were, because we needed to take care of Jemmy, because he was just a baby. But Jack wasn’t allowed.”

Aaron felt like he’d been punched in the gut, and John looked about the same. “Martha, are you serious?”

“You didn’t tell him that?”

“Of course I didn’t tell him that. How could you still remember that? You were-“

“I was seven, Jack. Perfectly capable of remembering where you were and why I hated you for never bein’ around, until you said that Papa wouldn’t let you be around.”

“I need a fucking drink.” John looked like he wanted to slam his fists into the wall as he practically threw the refrigerator door open, grabbed two beer bottles by the neck, and went out to the back porch.

Aaron was dumbfounded. Martha just looked stung before looking back down at her own cooking. And then Aaron realized that every little period of happiness in this house was like an unstable Jenga tower; you pull the right block, it stays, but one little blow of the wind can easily send everything toppling downwards.

Aaron moved past Martha and went onto the back porch, where John was sat at the back table, antler headband off, head in his hands, shoulders shaking. He bit his lip before moving over and touching his shoulder, making him jump and turn three shades of white. John blinked at him, and Aaron blinked back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just me.”

John looked scared and pained and everything he’d honestly never really seen before. He was everything Aaron had never expected to see from him. He was messy and his cheeks were wet and his eyes were red and his lip had busted open again. He looked like a scared boy about to get beat with the belt over a dropped plate.

And looking at him in that moment, Aaron saw all the things that John had been through. All the pain, all the desertion, all the isolation from his own family, all of the heartbreak and the death and the black fog that followed him.

John looked at him, with his emotions raw and red, and a fresh burst of tears ran down his cheeks. “I didn’t say goodbye to my fucking mom, Aaron. I didn’t get to say goodbye.” And then John was in his arms and sobbing into his shoulder and clinging onto his sweater, and Aaron stood and held him. He held him tight, rubbed his back, but never told him to stop; he could sense that all of this was inevitable, coming here to a place that held so many bad memories for him. Aaron closed his eyes as he tangled his other hand into John’s messy curls and tried to think of ways to get the burden off of John’s shoulders.

No one deserved to bear the weight of all the things that John carried with him. No one.

* * *

In the few minutes of quiet after John’s long few moments of sobbing, John finally told him about when his mother died.

It had been an early January morning. The first day back to school after Christmas break. Their mother (Eleanor, Aaron learned the name as John told the story) had been suck for the past six months. Having Jemmy made her weak and frail and sick, and by now she was stuck to her bed. Everyone was asleep except John, who was so used to being up bright and early to help his mother with breakfast. But he’d been making breakfast alone recently, because of his mom’s illness. And he made himself and his siblings waffles and bacon, and he got himself ready for school, and when no one offered to drive him (like always), he walked. So he didn’t know what was happening at home that morning. And he didn’t know why his siblings didn’t get on the bus to school. And he didn’t know why his papa didn’t come get him and tell him to come give his final prayers for his mama’s soul before it completely left her. All he knew was that the police were in the driveway that afternoon, and mama wasn’t alive anymore. His siblings got two weeks off of school, but John had to go. He didn’t have a choice, his father had said. He was the oldest, he needed the education the most, and the girls needed to take care of Jemmy while Henry was at work. Neither of these excuses made sense, because Martha was seven, and Henry was working from home.

John also missed his mother’s funeral.

John was twelve.

Aaron could feel the weight of the story on his shoulders, even as it was told. And then he breathed out, “Oh, John...” and John just looked at him and pulled a smile and rubbed at the bags under his eyes. “But I got over it. It was unhealthy for me, and I cooked a whole lot, because no one else would fucking cook, but I got over it. And it sucks but I healed eventually.”

“I don’t think you’ve healed at all.”

“You’re right. I didn’t.” And he gave the laugh of a man who was old beyond his years, and he let Aaron hold his hand for a little while as they watched the sky. “Does anyone else know that part of you?”

“No.” John stated quietly, and popped a beer open. “Not even Alexander.”

They eventually went back inside after having a beer each, and Martha apologized quietly for bringing it up. John just patted her shoulder and rubbed it fondly, before giving a smile and kissing her forehead. “Don’t worry about it.” He said that, with his cheeks still red and blotchy and his eyes still puffy and wet.

It was just so John.

And Aaron was almost grateful to recognize that John would do something like that. He had seen at least some of John’s world, has seen some of the good and a lot of the bad, but he knew John now better than he’d known anyone else. And that sank into his chest like a heavy stone sinks to a riverbed.

* * *

Henry came stumbling in five minutes before dinnertime. Mary was wrestling into a dress, Martha was finishing putting the ham on the table, and Aaron was tying John’s tie for him upstairs, so they only heard the door open and close, and heavy, uneven steps along the parlor. John sighed and closed his eyes, and Aaron made a face. “It’s only seven.”

“And he’s shit-faced. Awesome. This literally cannot get any worse.” He sighed, and Aaron rubbed John’s arm a little to try and comfort him. He’d had a rough day. John didn’t look comforted though, and they both just moved to get downstairs.

John stopped Aaron in the hallway before the dining room, hearing Martha’s soft voice. “Why would you go and do this again, Papa? It’s Christmas Eve.”

“And I’ve got hellspawn under my fuckin’ roof. The hellspawn and his boyfriend.”

“Papa, come on.”

“You know it’s true, Martha. He’s a train wreck, never did anythin’ right. And he let my son die, Martha. He watched my boy die.”

“Maybe because he was so traumatized from his mother passing away, and he didn’t know what to do.”

“He was sixteen, he coulda helped, or maybe caught ‘im. But he fuckin’ didn’t. I don’t know why I even invited the rat back into my house. He’s a fuckin’ pest, pain in my-“

“Hey Pa. Merry Christmas Eve.” John took a step in and shoved his hands into his pockets, and Henry just grumbled and downed the beer in his hands. “The devil makes himself known.”

“Awesome. I love family Christmas. Everyone is just so fantastic to be around.”

“Watch your fuckin’ attitude with me, boy.”

“I’m not doing anything, Pa. Just talking.” He shrugged, but his eyes were aflame with anger, and Henry’s were too. And they glared at each other, silently, and Martha and Aaron both shifted awkwardly. Aaron put a hand on John’s back and ushered him quietly into the kitchen, where John shuddered and grabbed another beer from the fridge. Aaron sighed, cracked his knuckles. “Just breathe.”

“He’s insufferable.”

“I know. Are you okay?”

“I’m fucking amazing.” He raised his beer bottle before downing half in one sip and going back out to take his seat. Aaron bit down on his lip and followed to join him.

Henry slurred his way through grace, being very obvious in mentioning both Eleanor and Jemmy, which made John have to get up and get amother beer before he was even done with the one he had in his hand. No one talked during dinner.

Henry was out cold right after. John had a nice buzz to him, making him loosen up with his words a little, making him more open. They went upstairs for the night, and John laughed as he sat and laid back on the bed.

“What’s funny?” Aaron inquired quietly, loosening his tie to get it off. John just snorted a little. “I just think it’s so fucking hilarious that you get to see how fucked up my family is, and then when we go back to New York, you’re never gonna talk to me again and you’re just gonna have all of this private information about me.”

“Who says I’m not going to talk to you after this?”

“I dunno.” And he laughed again, sitting up to get out of his tie and dress shirt. “I just get the feeling that we’re gonna be distant after this whole shitty experience, no matter what I try to do to prevent it.”

“I’m not just going to leave your life, John.”

“Yeah, okay.” He laughed again, standing to get out of his pants, immediately tugging on basketball shorts from his bag and his college sweatshirt to sleep in.

Aaron watched him, and tentatively got changed into his own pajamas and made sure John laid down first before he laid down himself. And he maneuvered John to get him to lay with his face pressed against Aaron’s chest. Aaron took John’s hair out of its ponytail and ran his fingers through the curls as John looped his arms loosely around Aaron’s waist and clung, like he was a stuffed animal.

Aaron pressed his face tentatively to John’s hair. “You don’t deserve any of the shit that you’ve been through, John. None of it.”

John was quiet for a moment before he started to cry again. And Aaron was there to guide him through it until he fell asleep.

Aaron contemplated how to collect the broken pieces of the man in his arms. He needed to find a way to make him whole again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens in the Laurens household. John and Aaron go home early to spend one more night together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for violence between h*nry and john, and for talk of the abuse john went through, as well as more mentions of james laurens’ death. just another warning for the heavy material in this, but there is fluff at the end.

Aaron woke up early the next morning and blinked in the morning light for a few moments, studying the sky. John was still clinging to him, sleeping soundly, face visible against his chest. Aaron looked down at him and swallowed, feeling his heart this so hard he thought John would wake up from it. It gently brushed John’s curls from his face, resting his hand on this cheek. He looked relaxed when he slept; like he finally didn’t feel any of the weight that was always settled on his shoulders. He looked calm, and almost happy as he nuzzled closer to Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron sighed and closed his eyes again for just a few moments, hoping to maybe fall back asleep.

But then there was a banging on the door that made John squeak and grip Aaron tight enough to make him wheeze. “Get up, Pa wants you downstairs in ten!” Junior shouted through the door, and John sighed a little. “Give is a minute, Jesus Christ.”

Junior walked off, and John shifted away a little and blinked at Aaron as he rubbed his face. “Sorry about that. Did he wake you up too?”

“Nope, I was already up. But I almost pissed my pants.” They both have a soft, tired chuckle, before Aaron frowned again. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” He stretched a little; Aaron avoided staring by looking up at the ceiling. “I’ll be better once I have some of Martha’s eggnog. I’ll spike it.”

“John, please don’t spike the eggnog.”

“I won’t spike all of it. Just my cup. Trust me, you’ll want it spiked within the first five minutes.” He sat up, and Aaron followed, concern already weaving its way through his veins.

They were dressed and downstairs in the ten minutes that Henry wanted them down. The family was in the living room, sipping at eggnog, waiting patiently for them to arrive. A good few presents were under the tree, and Henry was sat in the main armchair, nursing a cup of coffee. He looked scraggly, like a mess, but he still gave John and Aaron a look that was as cold as ice. “Looks like the prince and princess of New York finally decided to arrive. Sit.” Junior chuckled slightly under his breath, and John blinked and furrowed his brows before realizing his hair was still down. He swallowed and tied it up, and Aaron rubbed his back before offering a friendly smile.

Martha cleared her throat. “Do either of you want eggnog?”

“Please.” John nodded, and gave her a look. Martha looked at him before giving a single nod, glancing to Aaron. “You as well?”

“Please.”

“Sit.” Henry repeated, gesturing to the two seats left next to him, which were dining room chairs pulled into the living room. Martha got up to go get them their drinks, and they took their seats. “Aaron,” Henry hummed, which honestly shocked Aaron because he hadn’t ever been directly addressed by Henry himself, “I pray you don’t mind that there aren’t any gifts for you today. We weren’t sure what you would like, and John hadn’t told us anything over the phone.”

“Oh, it’s fine.” He shook his head, and John looped his arm around his shoulders. “I’ve got stuff for him at home, it’s alright.” He gave a smile to Aaron, who smiled back and nodded, playing along. “Yeah, we decided to leave the gifts home. It was better. I’m known to look for gifts.” Henry hummed disinterestedly and looked away again, and told Junior to distribute the gifts to the rest.

Martha brought in their eggnog, and Aaron knew his was spiked from the first sip. John looked grateful for her.

Junior distributed the gifts. Martha, Mary, and Junior got four each. Henry got three, and John got one. Aaron didn’t mind sitting out and just watching them.

Martha got three dresses and a laptop. Mary got sneakers, two sports jerseys, and tickets to the next South Carolina Gamecocks football game. Junior ended up with ties and a new laptop as well. John opened his and smiled gratefully at Martha, since it was a Yankees jersey. Henry got a coffee mug and two new ties as well.

It was quiet for a moment, before Henry shifted. “Junior, I forgot to put somethin’ under the tree. Here.” He tossed him a tiny package, and Junior caught it and blinked before tearing the wrapping open and opening the little box with a wild grin, holding up the keys. Mary smiled, and so did Martha, but she tossed a nervous glance to John, who was faking a smile just like Aaron was.

“Holy shit, Pa!” Junior hopped up and ran to the window, looking out and opening the curtains wide so they all could see the sparkling new red truck in the driveway. Junior moved over quickly to hug (actually hug) his father, squeezing a little. “Thank you! Thank you!”

“Of course, kid.” Henry smiled softly as he hugged his son back, and John had to look away, eyes a little cloudy. Aaron rubbed his arm comfortingly.

Then Henry looked over once Junior pulled away. “John. You didn’t get your old man anythin’ for Christmas?”

“Uh.. No sir. I didn’t know what you wanted.” He looked over, blinking blankly. Junior snorted. “He’s jealous that you gave me a car, Pa.”

“I’m not jealous, Junior.” He huffed at him. “And for the record, Pa, you didn’t get me anything either.”

“That’s because I knew you’d just be ungrateful for whatever I’d get you.”

“I don’t recall ever being ungrateful for the things you got me, because you never got me anything.” He snapped, and Henry looked at him for a moment.

The next few seconds were a blur. The raising of Henry’s hand was barely visible. The only thing that seemed to make everyone realize it was the loud ‘thwap’ that seemed to ring as loud as a gong. John’s head turned with the force of it, but he remained still after it. Mary looked down, Junior just went blank. Martha put her hand over her mouth, and Aaron was up immediately. He took John’s drink from his hands and put it on the coffee table, shooting a dirty look to Henry before cupping John’s good cheek. “John, hey, are you okay?”

John’s eyes were glazed over and searching. His face was blank, but his eyes reminded Aaron of a scared child. John had to blink a few times before he shifted out of Aaron’s touch and looked down and away. “I’m okay.”

“Let me get ice for your cheek-“ Martha stood, but John shook his head. “No, I’m fine, sit.”

“But-“

“I’m fine.” He snapped, then shrunk a little into his chair, like he expected to get hit again. Henry finally sat back. “He’s fine. Let him be. Maybe now he’ll behave.”

John sat back in his chair after grabbing his mug again, taking a long few sips, bouncing his leg up and down. Aaron stared at him for a moment before slowly sitting back down.

Martha gently cleared her throat. “Uh.. I can make breakfast.” Henry nodded, and she and Mary got up to go cook.

Henry took a sip of his coffee. “You aggravated my headache, boy. Great fuckin’ job.” He shook his head, and John put the mug down after downing it before getting up and heading for the back porch. Aaron was up and following immediately.

John walked out to the barn and slammed the doors behind him. Aaron didn’t get there in time, and tried to open the door, but John had already blocked it off from the inside. “John, John are you okay? Open the door.”

Then the repeated thuds started against the wall, followed by the breaking of something glass, and then more thudding. Aaron pounded on the door, shouting for him to open it. It took a good few minutes for Kohn to actually open the door again, panting a little, knuckles and lip busted.

Aaron sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Okay hotshot, let’s get you cleaned up and see about maybe heading home?”

“Okay.” He murmured under his breath, and Aaron held his hand carefully to bring him back to the house.

The sun was golden and beautiful in the partly cloudy sky above them. Aaron cursed it, for it was mocking them both.

Aaron got them inside and to the nearest bathroom. He sat John down and had him hold his busted-up hands out in front of him, then grabbed a washcloth and wet it, starting to gently clean at his knuckles. “You okay?”

“Fine.”

“Why don’t we leave early? Being here really messed you up.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“I’m sorry all this bullshit happened, John.”

“It’s okay.” He muttered, shaking his head. “I did it to myself, really. I knew it would happen and I wanted it.”

Aaron looked at him for a moment, faltering in his movements, before sighing. “We can talk about it in the car. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now I’m just gonna get you cleaned up, and we can get you home.” He sighed and kept wiping up the mess he’d made of his hands, folding the washcloth up and wetting it a little more to gently clean at John’s lip.

John blinked up at him, eyes flickering, and Aaron managed a small smile. “We’re gonna get out of here, and I’m gonna get you to go see someone to talk about all this. Okay?”

“Sure. I really do just wanna get out of here.”

“I know.” He pulled the washcloth away to cup his cheek and look his lip over, touching it with his thumb. “We’re gonna leave.”

“Yeah.” John stared back up at him, eyes sort of scared and rejected. Aaron looked at him before pressing his lips to his forehead on instinct. “We’re gonna go back to New York.”

* * *

They left the house within the hour. Aaron was driving. Martha had wrapped up John’s busted knuckles with skill before sending them off. They heard a ‘good riddance’ from Junior, and also heard Mary blessing the house again.

They were twenty minutes into the road when Aaron finally popped the question. “What happened in that house during your childhood, John?”

“Honestly, things sort of spiraled after my mom died. It got worse.” He looked out the window. “Mama has always been there to protect him from getting to me. I only used to get popped in the mouth, or threatened against the wall. But then she died and left me alone. And then it started getting bad.” He looked at his wrapped hands, cracked his knuckles with gritted teeth. “I never understood what I did to deserve any of it. I just thought I wasn’t good enough. I understood that I was the black sheep, I knew it. I was the red-headed stepchild for no reason, and I just... It really got to me. And then my brother died and I didn’t do anything to help, mostly because he was dead the moment he hit the ground.” He swallowed thickly. “And I knew I was gonna get beat so fucking bad, and Jemmy was so little, and so... so...” He dig the heels of his palms into his thighs as he choked up, and Aaron reached his hand over to rub his shoulder. “Hey, you can cry, it’s okay. It’s okay. Relax.”

“God.” John leaned back roughly into the truck seat, covering his face with his hand. “I’m sorry I’m like this, Aaron.”

“It’s okay. Just let it out.”

And John did. He cried, and then slept.

Aaron drove them to a Waffle House in Virginia, and they had brunch in the quiet. Aaron looked over John’s face, and took in the man in front of him. He looked nothing like the John from the beginning of the week. He looked tired, rejected, like the opposite of the confident, relaxed guy he’d known since college.

He studied him until John squirmed under his view, looking up at him nervously. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry.” He looked down, and John shook his head before looking back down. “It’s okay.”

Aaron let out a breath. Then he gave a tiny chuckle. “This is one way to spend Christmas, huh?”

John was quiet, before he laughed a little. “Yeah, it sure is.”

“At least the eggnog was good, right?”

“Yeah. And at least you tried Mary’s biscotti.”

“God, it was good.”

“It was, wasn’t it? She was always good at baking. I told her to go into culinary but she wouldn’t hear it. But J guess being a doctor can help some things, huh?” He held up his hands, a normal smile on his face, despite what’s happened.

Aaron smiled back at him, and swore he would to everything in his power to keep John Laurens away from the state of South Carolina.

* * *

They didn’t get back into New York until about midnight. They’d talked the whole way, raged their way through traffic. The further away from South Carolina that John got, the better he seemed to get. By the time they were pulling up to John’s apartment building, Aaron was half asleep and about ready to keel over. He was never used to driving long distances, and with John’s hands causing him pain, he drove the full twelve hours.

They got into the building and went into the elevator. John pressed the button for the seventh floor and took a spot next to Aaron, leaning against him a little, settling his head against his with his eyes closed. Aaron blinked before putting an arm around him. “I’m tired too.”

“Stay the night. You don’t have a ride home.” He mumbled quietly, and Aaron just nodded. “I can crash on your couch.”

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t.” He opened his eyes and lifted his head to look at him. “I don’t want to sleep alone. Stay with me.” His eyes looked pleading and sleepy, and Aaron blinked at him a little before nodding again, grabbing his hand. “I’ll stay.”

“Thank you.” He smiled, and Aaron smiled back at him.

The elevator dinged, and they stepped off, taking their time in the hallway. John had brought his own bags; Aaron left his, figuring it’d be easier to just leave them so he could go home in the morning with ease. John fumbled with his keys sleepily, and Aaron took them from his hands to unlock the door. They slipped inside, and Aaron caught his second wind, taking in the apartment.

It was honestly just so John. A few paintings hung on one wall. Sketchbooks were left on the coffee table, along with a few cans of soda that were obviously empty but forgotten about. Blankets (lots of them) were easily draped over the couch, and a space heater was set near the TV. A spider plant hung by the window in the kitchen, flourishing despite the winter. The place was clean but not entirely; only the kitchen was left immaculately clean. He knew John liked cooking, so that didn’t surprise him. The rest was a controlled chaos, and Aaron was smiling as he glanced around.

John set his keys on a table by the door after closing it, shucking his winter coat. “C’mon, I’m tired. I can lend you clothes to sleep in.”

“Sure.” Aaron nodded slightly, and followed him into John’s bedroom, smiling more at the gray bedspread and the painting on the easel by the window. He looked it over as John got pajamas from a drawer. It was of a sunset over a park; two people seemed to be the focus in the foreground, having a picnic as they watched the sun.

“You really are good at what you do, John.” He looked at him over his shoulder, and John looked over at him before smiling shyly. “Thanks. Means a lot. That one’s not finished yet. I have to paint, uh, the shadows and a few more details on the trees... I’m too tired to think about all that shit. Here.” He walked over and held a bundle of clothes to him. “It’s a sweatshirt and basketball shorts. The heat in here kinda sucks, so I’m sorry I don’t have anything a little bit better for you.”

“It’s okay.” He took it with a soft smile, and John gave one back before stepping away to get changed. Aaron turned his back to avoid watching, and changed himself into John’s clothes, trying to ignore how they smelled just like him, how the bed would smell just like him.

He turned around, and John was just pulling on another sweatshirt that was a size too big, and wasn’t his own. He noticed how Aaron was looking at him quizzically, and he smiled sheepishly. “It’s, uh, it’s Herc’s.”

“Ah, alright, that makes sense.” He smiled and nodded, though his chest suddenly stung.

John yawned again and tugged back the comforter (which was stained with paint, Aaron now noticed) and laid himself down, taking his hair down. “Come lay down. It’s fine.”

Aaron moved and slid in next to him after turning the lights off. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he smelled weed and raspberries, which he guessed was John’s shampoo. Either way, it smelled like heaven. John was just about to turn into his chest before he gasped and sat back up, feeling around on his nightstand. Aaron sat up on one elbow, on his side. “What, what is it?”

“My Chapstick!” He laughed a little, holding it in the light that filtered through his window. “I knew I left it here.” He popped the cap off and turned his head to put it on. And Aaron stared, remembering the flavor of it from their first kiss, and from his dream. He shuddered, tried to push the hot feeling in his abdomen away.

John laid back down, which made Aaron follow. John blinked at him and smiled in the moonlight and the city lights filtering in through the window. His lips were shiny, and he looked actually relaxed and happy to be there, so much like the old John already. Aaron stared until he shook his head and laughed a little. “You’re ridiculous, John.”

“Thanks.” John smiled warmly before shifting over to curl himself up to Aaron’s chest, and Aaron put his arms around him to hold him there. John yawned again, nuzzled his shoulder. “G’night.”

“Night.”

John was out cold rather quickly, but Aaron was wide awake. Leaving this man was going to fucking suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still can’t make anything italicized on my phone, so i’ll go in and edit everything once i have time to access my laptop. until then, i’m sorry about that. please leave kudos or a comment!!! and thank all y’all for the kindness in the comments!! (i would also like to rip henry and junior limb from limb, don’t worry.)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron stops waiting. Otherwise known as: the part we’ve all wanted from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first time i’ve written smut by myself, and i can’t get a beta to read it right now so. if it sucks, sorry about that.

Aaron woke early to the familiar but now unpleasant sounds of city traffic. He blinked in the light, glanced around; John wasn’t in bed. He sighed and sat up, sniffed the air. It smelled like someone had showered, as well as a fresh pot of coffee. He slid out of John’s bed and stretched, moving out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

John’s curls were still wet and perfect. He was sipping on a mug of coffee, looking out the kitchen window, almost admiring the city. Aaron smiled a little and leaned against the doorframe, watching him for a few moments. No, it definitely wasn’t weird. John was just like an art piece; he deserved to be watched from a distance.

After a few short moments, John glanced over and blinked in surprise, but smiled. “Hey. I didn’t know what you wanted for breakfast, so I was waiting for you to get up before I cooked anything.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” He hummed, walking in and looking around for a mug. John got one from a cabinet above the stove and passed it to him, letting Aaron pour his coffee. “Yeah, well, I wanted to. It’s the least I could do to thank you for being damage control yesterday.”

“Oh, don’t sweat it. How’re your hands?”

“Better. They’ve scabbed over, if that’s what you mean.” He held a hand out, and Aaron took it to look over his knuckles. They were bruised and red as looked painful, but they were scabbed over nonetheless. “Do they hurt?”

“Not much right now. I popped an Advil, I’ll be fine. It’s not my first time with busted knuckles.” He shrugged and gave an easy smile to Aaron, who returned it and very reluctantly let go of his hand. John hummed, set his mug on the counter. “So, what do you want to eat? I’ll make you something, I know I’ve got shit here.” He moved to glance in the freezer, finding a package of bacon, microwaveable sausage, and found a bottle of Shake N’ Pour pancake mix in the cabinets. Aaron chuckled a little. “I didn’t know the farmboy would use Shake N’ Pour pancake mix. I thought you were all about cooking.”

“Alright, listen, you ass.” John laughed, poking a finger into his chest. “My hands hurt and I don’t have flour right now to make batter. Don’t go insulting my backwater roots because I’m not cooking from scratch this one time.”

Aaron batted his hand away with a laugh. “Alright, alright. Relax, Mr. Defensive.”

“Shut up.” He shoved his shoulder and smiled at him, then started to cook. Aaron had to sit down at the small table in the kitchen, mostly because he felt his heart doing flips in his chest. “Are you sure you don’t want me to help you?”

“I’m positive. I’m repaying you for the nice things you did for me all week.” He paused to tie his wet curls back, spraying Aaron with a little bit of water. Aaron barely minded.

Breakfast was domestic in the little apartment. They laughed, they pretended like they hadn’t just spent a week in hell. It was sweet, and it was good. John’s hair was barely dry when they finished their food, so they ended up staying an extra hour, draining the coffee pot and making another, watching early Saturday morning crime shows on John’s TV. They curled up under two of John’s many blankets and stayed near the space heater, managing to fend off the cold for at least a little while.

Aaron didn’t want to get in the truck to go home. He really didn’t. But he had to, he knew he’d probably overstayed his welcome. So they piled back into John’s truck and started over to Aaron’s house.

“I’m really grateful that you came this week.” John stated as he drove. “You kept my dad in line up until the end. Who knows what would’ve happened if I went alone? I’m so happy that you came with me.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I had a good time with you this week.”

“I’m glad I could make it tolerable for you.” He laughed, but didn’t look over at him, just kept looking out the front window, eyes on the road. “I owe you, big time.”

“I know. You told me. I don’t know what I’ll have you do yet.”

“Once you figure it out, call me. I’ll be around and you know it. I’m a freelance artist, I’m not gonna be doing much.”

“Right.” Aaron chuckled a little, and John squeezed the steering wheel a little.

They pulled up to Aaron’s place, and John helped him get his bags inside. Once he was settled, the stood in the living room for a moment. John slid his hands (carefully) into his pockets. “Thank you, again.”

“Stop thanking me, man.”

“I can’t help it! I’m really grateful.” He smiled sheepishly and rocked on his heels, and Aaron just chuckled a little and nodded. “If you ever need anything else, anything at all, call me. I’ll be around for you.”

“Sure thing.” He gave two quick little nods, then looked like he was contemplating something for a moment, eyes flickering over all of Aaron’s face. Then John stepped forward and touched Aaron’s arm, pressing a long kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you around, right?”

Aaron, dumbfounded, stuttered a little. “I-I uhh.. I.. Yeah, yeah, you will. Yeah.”

John stepped back again and gave a half smile, eyes flickering with just the slightest bit of hurt. “Alright. I’ll see ya around, then.” He stepped out the door, and Aaron nodded, still in a bit of shock.

“Bye, Aaron.”

“Bye.”

John turned and walked down the walkway to his truck, and Aaron closed the door before touching his cheek and closing his eyes.

Motherfucker.

* * *

Aaron couldn’t focus on his work. Despite being back in the city, where cars and people were always loud and annoying (but tolerable), he couldn’t fucking focus and he didn’t know why. He’d tried all day to work on the work he missed before they had off for Christmas, and he couldn’t even start it because something was missing.

John was missing.

It was still Saturday and Aaron felt alone. No one else was in the house, it was just him, as it normally was. And normally he liked it that way. But John had taken all of his ‘normallys’ and tossed them out the window. All he could think about was the lack of John’s presence in the room with him, the lack of John’s smile or his laugh or his anything and everything.

Living and literally sleeping with a person for six nights can really do something to you. Aaron’s mind drifted back to the dream, about how John’s smile made his heart do tricks, about how seeing John break down made his heart shatter.

And that’s when he realized his mistake.

He slapped his laptop closed so hard that he thought he broke it. He pushed it onto the coffee table and grabbed his phone, immediately finding John’s number on speed dial.

“Hello?” That sweet mix of country and New-Yorker came through the phone, and Aaron let out a breath. “Can you come over? I wanna talk to you.”

“Sure, I’ll be over in ten. Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, but when you get here I can fix it. I just need you over here.”

“I’ll be there ASAP.” John hung up, and Aaron looked at his screen, heart pounding in his chest.

Aaron was only known as The Man Who Waited. He was the one that waited too long for signals, waited too long to give an opinion, waited like a snake ready to strike down its prey. He was good with a pen, but not the best. He was bad at romance as a general whole.

But John made a switch flip, a certain switch that made him realize all the stupid, wrong turns he took, and then he figured out how to right the wrongs.

John got there in the said ten minutes, walking up quickly. He didn’t even have time to knock before Aaron was taking his hands and pulling him inside, leading him to the couch and sitting him down. “I figured it out. You were upset because of me.”

“What?”

“Tuesday night. You and I were in the car, and you said something about wanting to make your lips bleed.” Aaron watched John’s face start to burn with being flustered at the memory, and being embarrassed. He continued, “And I asked why, and you said ‘because you wanted me to kiss them better’. And I was a fucking fool. I laughed you off.”

“You did. So?”

“And that hurt you.”

“Of course it did, you dumb fuck.” He looked away, crossing his arms. “Look, if you just asked me over here to tell me all this and then send me back home, you’re a real fucking douchebag.”

“You’re right, I’m a douchebag. But not because I’m going to send you away. It’s because I was being stupid, and I waited too long.” He grabbed John’s hand and laced their fingers, sitting next to him. “I waited too long.”

“Waited too long for what?” He looked at him, slightly startled by Aaron’s actions. And Aaron looked at him for a moment before leaning right in and kissing him full force.

John squeaked a little in surprise. Aaron could feel the heat radiating off of John’s skin as he refused to pull away. He just held his hand. And John didn’t pull away either. He was kissing back quickly, shifting closer, putting a hand on the back of Aaron’s head.

Aaron could taste the peach Chapstick a lot better today. For a moment, he didn’t know who was dominating, but then John’s arms looped around his neck, and Aaron immediately put his hands on his sides to hold him tight.

They pulled away a few inches to just look at each other, panting slightly, staring. John looked at him with a touch of submissiveness in his eyes, and Aaron knew his own must’ve been wild. “I figured out what favor you could do for me.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“We could go upstairs and you could be good for a while.” He tilted his head, and smiled when he felt John practically melt before nodding. “I’d like that a lot, yeah.”

“Perfect.” Aaron nodded and grabbed John’s hand again to immediately lead him upstairs to his own room. John was just grinning as he followed, clinging to Aaron’s hand like a lifeline.

Once they were in the room with the door closed, Aaron was back on John, pressing his lips firmly back onto the other’s, tangling one hand in his hair and putting the other on his hip to bring him forward. John whimpered against his lips, and it was the most beautiful sound he’d heard so far. He nipped at John’s lips before moving him carefully against the wall, putting both hands on his sides and pressing their hips together with a soft groan. John slid his hands down to get at Aaron’s shirt, pulling it up and over his head, quickly tossing it to the ground to press his hands onto Aaron’s chest. Aaron looked at him and grinned, kissing up John’s jaw and shuddering under his touch.

As John’s hands trailed over his chest and stomach, Aaron grabbed John’s shirt and got it off him quickly, slowing down to study him for a moment. John shuddered a little under his gaze, biting his lip. His chest had smaller scars and big sunspots all over. Aaron traced a few with his fingers. “Do you know how handsome you are?”

“Shut up.” He huffed, grabbing his wrist and getting Aaron’s lips back on his own. Aaron hummed against his mouth and took over again, getting easily at John’s pants, unzipping them and pushing them down to get him to step out of them. John’s hands were then quickly unbuckling Aaron’s belt and sliding it off, then unbuttoned his jeans and got them open.

Aaron made a low sound against his mouth and grabbed him again, managing to lift him a bit before walking over to his bed and dropping him onto it, making him squeak. Then John laughed a little from the actions, and Aaron was smiling too as he crawled over him. “What’s funny?”

“This is really happening, I’m just happy.” He grinned, cheeks red, and Aaron grinned back and managed to get John’s hair free from its ponytail. “Believe me, I am too.” He sat up to get out of his jeans, and John grinned up at him. “Fuck, you’re attractive.”

“Yeah, shh.” He chuckled and leaned back down to kiss him hard again, and John made a pleased sound into his mouth. Aaron pushed his tongue past his lips as he slid his hands down to his hips, tugging at the waistband of John’s boxers before pulling them down, pushing them away. He got a hand around John’s dick and relished in the moan that came from it. He stroked him a few times, pulling his lips from his mouth to get down to his collarbone and bite a mark there, smiling from his whines.

He pulled his hand away when John bucked his hips. He sat up again and leaned to his bedside drawer, fumbling for the lube, dribbling some on his fingers. John panted a little, spread his legs, hooked one around Aaron’s waist. “Hurry up, c’mon.”

“Impatient.” He rolled his eyes but still pressed a finger against his entrance, then pushed it in. John whined and shuddered, rolling his hips down onto his finger as he grabbed the sheets. “Fuck.”

Aaron let out a breath, watching him with extreme intrigue. John was beautiful, really. He was everything he imagined. He leaned to keep biting and kissing at his chest as he pumped his finger in and out, curling it and just barely brushing it against his prostate, making him whimper out and squirm. Aaron pushed a second finger in, making John hiss just barely before he moaned again and arched his back. Aaron scissored his fingers to stretch him out, making him squirm and mumble under his breath.

“You’re breathtaking.” Aaron mumbled against his chest, and reveled in the sound that bubbled from John’s lips in response.

Pushing a third finger in made John whine loudly. Aaron smiled, curling his fingers against his prostate and shuddering at the way John’s voice pitched up when he moaned his name. “Aaron, please...”

“Shh, patience, baby.” He scissored his fingers a little more before pulling them out and wiping them off. “Good boy.” John whimpered a little at the praise, squirming and rolling his hips a little. Aaron shoved his own boxers down then, leaned over to fumble for a condom, doing his best to get it onto his dick as fast as possible. Then he pressed himself against John’s entrance. “You’re ready?”

“Of fucking course I am, let’s go, fuck me.” He rolled his eyes at him, and Aaron squinted before pushing in, keeping his eyes trained on John’s face. John’s jaw went a bit slack, and he arched his back with a low moan. “Fuck, Aaron, fuck...” Aaron bottomed our with a soft groan, leaning to nip at his jaw. “You’re still tight.”

“Move, dammit.” John moved a hand down to press it into Aaron’s lower back and push him in a little more. Aaron grunted before pulling his hips back and snapping back into him, making him gasp out and grip the sheets. Then Aaron was moving, groaning into his ear and gripping his hips.

John cried out a little, eyes squeezed shut, muscles taught as he clutched at the sheets for purchase. Aaron was relentless, pounding into him with precision. Every single sound that poured from John’s lips was like a choir of angels. It was as beautiful as he thought it would be.

“Please, fuck, harder, shit, Aaron..” He mumbled a string of curses, whimpering on almost every thrust. Aaron angled his hips slightly, and then John gave a cry that was almost like a scream of bliss. “There, there! Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, Aaron, please, Aaron-“ He cut himself off with his own moan as Aaron kept pounding into his prostate over and over again. Aaron dug his thumbs into his hips hard enough to bruise, gritting his teeth, then biting into John’s shoulder.

“Aaron, Aaron, gotta cum, fuck, let me cum-“ He was cut off by another high-pitched moan when Aaron wrapped a hand around his dick again, pumping quickly in tandem with his thrusts. His hips got a little sloppy as the pressure built in the base of his spine. “C’mon baby, cum. Now.” He bit his jaw again, and John called out loudly as his back went as taut as a bowstring, and his eyes rolled back, and then he was cumming over Aaron’s hand and over his stomach.

The sight alone, along with the feeling of it, made Aaron tip over the edge. He groaned and pressed his face to John’s shoulder as he came into the condom. He slowed his hips to a stop, panting heavily, kissed up John’s neck before he pulled out. “Fuck..”

“Shit..” John panted, running a hand through his curls, some of which where stuck to his forehead. Aaron smiled breathlessly, leaning down to kiss him again. John hummed and put a hand on the back of his neck, melting into the kiss, relaxing. Aaron pulled away and pressed their foreheads together. “You okay?”

“Better than I’ve been all week.” He chuckled softly, closing his eyes still. “I’m feeling fantastic.”

“I’m glad. Stay right here, I’ll get something to clean you up.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere.” He hummed with a blissed out smile, and Aaron pecked his cheek before climbing off him, getting the condom off and throwing it out. Then he slipped down the hall for a moment to wet a washcloth, going back to then clean gently at John’s stomach and dick and entrance, making him shudder with overstimulation. He wiped his hand off before tossing the washcloth into the laundry basket in the corner, crawling back into the bed next to John, and pulling him close. “Stay the night.”

“No problem.” He smiled and pressed his forehead to his shoulder, and Aaron tangled a hand in his curls. “You’re stunning.”

“You’re not too bad yourself.”

“I really don’t want you to leave again.”

“You think I’d want to leave you on purpose?” He snorted a little. “There’s a reason I chose you to be my fake partner for a week, Aaron. You’re just oblivious as fuck.”

“Huh?” He rose a brow, and John lifted his head. “I’ve liked you for a long fucking time now, man. I just got lucky. I thought you didn’t like me when you laughed at me after the date at the bar on Tuesday. You were right, that’s why I was upset. I thought you rejected me. I thought I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t blame you, though. I’m apparently not good enough for a lot of people.” His gaze flickered away. “But.. You do like me, right? Like, I really don’t want this to be a one time thing.”

Aaron blinked a little, cupped his cheek, traced over a few sun spots. “This won’t be a one time thing, John. And listen, I think you’re good enough. You’re underrated. You deserved a lot more than what you got as a kid, and growing up. You deserve so much better.”

“So do you.”

“Maybe we can help each other then?” He tilted his head, and John smiled at him, cupped his cheek, rubbed his thumb under his eye. “I’d like that.”

“Me too.” Aaron smiled back at him, then leaned to press their lips together softly. It wasn’t full of the force from earlier, it was softer and more careful and more expressive in the fact that it was just their raw emotion and attraction. Aaron pulled away, let out a breath. John smiled and kept his eyes closed, like in a trance. “You’re one of a kind, Aaron Burr.”

“Yeah, so are you, John Laurens.” He chuckled and kissed his forehead lightly.

Aaron was glad he had opted for a change of pace for Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t worry, there’s gonna be an epilogue-type thing coming up after this. i need more burrens fluff in my life anyways.
> 
> also, i saw hamilton today!!!!! michael luwoye made me swoon and i died at washington’s vocals. anthony lee medina wasn’t there but that’s okay, thayne did an okay job playing laurens/pip. i had an amazing time and i feel so lucky to have seen it. i wish i could go back!!
> 
> feel free to leave kudos/a comment !!!!


	17. Two Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some much needed fluff after all of that other angst.

John had told him that he didn’t want a big proposal. Aaron remembered that, despite the air being thick with smoke coming from the blunt between John’s lips.

It had been about a month into this new relationship, and Aaron wanted to try drugs with someone who knew what he was doing. So, obviously, John was down for it, and Aaron packed his things to stay at his apartment for the night. John had taught him how to smoke it right, how to not choke and cough his lungs up. When they were thoroughly high and their heads were up in the clouds, John had started talking nonsense, until it stopped being nonsense.

“Listen, babe,” He hummed quietly as he place his head on his shoulder, “I don’t want a big proposal, ‘kay?”

“Huh?”

“If we get to the point where you propose to me, I don’t want it to be big.”

“Whaaaaat? Why not?”

“Because my father is a homophobic politician. If something happens and he finds out that there was this big huge proposal for me by my also gay boyfriend up here in New York, he’ll find a way to come beat my ass, because he’ll think of it as an embarrassment.” John lifted his head to look at him, and offered the blunt over to him before kissing his cheek. “Just, please.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He nodded a little, taking the blunt from between his fingers and taking a hit.

They fucked after that, and then passed out cold on John’s couch. John seemed like he didn’t remember that part of their conversation, but to Aaron, it was vivid.

* * *

Waking up next to John in the morning was like a godsend. Aaron was always up first for work, but today he had off, because yet again, it was Christmastime.

John was up against him, face half against his chest and half against the pillow. His curls were wild and sticking out all over the place, and he was snoring just softly. His lips looked baby soft, his skin practically glowing in the sunlight pouring in through the windows. Aaron was grateful for the sight every morning. Having John move in a little over a year ago was honestly the best thing he’d done since actually getting together with him.

John had been happy to move in. He liked Aaron’s place a lot more in general, because it was bigger and he had room to actually do things, like cook and paint and have pets. Having a dog was one of John’s biggest goals in life, since he confided in Aaron about an old family dog that he used to have when he was a kid. (Aaron kept this in mind, too.) Aaron was happy to have John around too, because John seemed to radiate this intoxicating energy about 75% of the time, and Aaron could never get enough of it.

The other 25% of the time were bad trauma days. Those were the days when John would smoke and sit outside and avoid Alexander’s ever-persistent presence. The trauma days have significantly lessened once Aaron started making him go to therapy; though Aaron didn’t know everything about John’s past, he knew enough, and what was too rough to talk about, John had his therapist to confide in.

And John got Aaron to actually go to therapy too. Aaron was known to have his own little bursts of self-deprecation that he always pushed away, but John made him go to therapy as well, and it’s helped his work ethic and his overall attitude splendidly.

John was the light of his life, the best thing to come home to. John made him better.

John stirred next to him, curling his fingers into Aaron’s shirt and closing his mouth. He hummed softly, and Aaron smiled, brushing his fingers through John’s hair. “Morning, Jack.”

“Mmh. Mornin’, sugar.” John nuzzled his neck and pressed a kiss there before opening his eyes to look at him. Aaron smiled at him, and John offered a sleepy smile in return. “What time is it?”

“Uhh, about eight thirty.”

“Too early. G’night.” He closed his eyes again, and Aaron laughed and rubbed his side. “Nope, c’mon. Get up. We’re going out to breakfast.”

“Only if I can wear my pajamas there.”

“You can.” He chuckled and sat up, and John whined but followed. John leaned over and pressed their lips together sweetly, and Aaron easily cupped his cheek, rubbing it softly before pulling away. “You know what today is, right?”

“Hm?”

“It’s our anniversary. Great job.” He flicked John’s forehead and got up with a grin, and John squeaked and huffed. “I just woke up, babe. Let me get my bearings.”

“I’m teasing, relax. But c’mon, we’re going to the good diner in town.”

“Aw, hell yeah!” He smiled and slipped out of bed, clad in Aaron’s sweatshirt and boxers. Aaron just laughed and nodded, pulling on a pair of sweatpants. “Put on pants and come downstairs. I’ll start the car.”

John nodded and started shuffling around in the drawers, and Aaron padded downstairs. However, instead of getting his winter coat on, he went up into one of the cabinets they normally didn’t use and pulled down the present he hid. He ran his thumbs over the wrapping paper for a moment, taking a slightly nervous breath. Today was the day.

He set his phone up on the island in the kitchen and started recording once he heard John’s footsteps on the stairs. John hopped down the last two stairs and went into the kitchen, smiling widely. “Alright, I’m starving- what’s that?”

“It’s an extra gift from Santa.” He chuckled, passing the present over to him. John studied the present with a little confused laugh, shaking it slightly. “What is it?”

“You have to open it.”

“Why are you filming it?” He laughed again, tearing the paper open, and Aaron crossed his arms as he watched. “Because I think you’re gonna like it.”

John hummed, putting the wrapping paper on the counter before opening the gift box and furrowing his brows. He lifted up the leather dog collar that was attached to a chain leash and studied it, setting the box down on the counter as well. “What is this?”

“I think you know what it is, Jack.”

“It’s a dog collar.” He looked up at him, confusion written over his features. “What do we need a dog collar for?”

“You forgot something in the box.” Aaron gestured to it with his head, and John looked in the box before lifting out a folded piece of paper. He unfolded it and blinked at it. “This is a picture of a dog.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Aaron, what is this?”

“The dog’s name is Duck. He’s a black lab, he’s a little upstate, about a half hour away from here.”

“What’re you saying?” John’s face went from confused to excited as he stared at him, and Aaron just grinned back. “You know exactly what I’m saying.”

“Aaron, you got me a dog?”

“Happy anniversary.” Aaron laughed, and John put the collar, leash and paper down to practically hop into his arms, laughing. “Holy shit! I’m getting a fucking dog! You got me a dog! We’re getting a dog!”

“We are!” Aaron beamed at him, and John cupped his face to kiss him excitedly for a few moments. “When are we getting him?”

“Today, after breakfast.”

“We’re getting a dog. This is real.”

“It’s as real as it can be.”

“Holy fucking shit. This really can’t get any better, huh?” John beamed at him, arms around his neck, and Aaron just hummed his response. “Well...”

“Well what? Sugar, what else are you planning here?” He tilted his head, and Aaron just offered the grin that he usually gave when he was nervous. John rose a brow. “Aaron. What is it?”

“I just, uhh, I barely know where to start.” He gave a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m at a loss for words here.”

“What’s up? What’s the matter?” John grew concerned, and Aaron quickly shook his head, fumbling for his pockets. “Nothing’s the matter.”

“Then why do you look so- oh.” John breathed out when Aaron finally managed to get the box out of his pocket. “Aaron, what...”

“I had this whole speech planned out for you and I can’t remember a word of it.” Aaron closed his eyes for a moment before dropping shakily to a knee, blinking back up at John, who really just looked shocked and excited. Aaron continued, “I really did. It was sweet and sentimental and had everything that a good proposal needed to have, but I can’t remember a word. Sorry about that. All I can remember is the part where I ask you to, uhh, be mine?”

He barely had time to open the box before John was down and kissing him with such force that it almost knocked him down. He kissed back with an approval sound, cupping his face the best he could. John was cupping his face too, rubbing his cheeks with his calloused thumbs. John pulled away first to nod quickly, eyes wet and smile wide. “Yeah, I’m yours.”

“You are?” Aaron almost couldn’t believe it, but John was laughing and nodding again, flicking his forehead. “I am, I’ll marry you, fuck. You’re still oblivious as shit. I’m literally saying yes and you’re questioning me.”

“I have to make sure!”

“What the fuck ever.” John laughed before kissing him again, wrapping his arms around his neck. Aaron managed to get the ring box onto the counter before he had his sides right in his grip, and he was smiling into their kiss.

Aaron managed to somehow get lucky enough to have John in his life. And now he had confirmation that John would stay in his life. His energy and enthusiasm and his troubles were all new things that Aaron had to deal with, of course, but it was a good thing. The change of pace in his life ended up being a blessing. And Aaron would never give that up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s finished!!  
> sorry its so short, i did my best to wrap it all up in a neat little bow. the boys got what they truly deserved.  
> i hope y’all enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it! i promise i’ll keep writing other fics for y’all.  
> feel free to leave kudos or a comment or check out my tumblr @mxsicalpup!! thanks for reading!!


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